Valentine’s Day Calls For Laughter

Don't freak out just because you're going to be alone on Valentine's Day. You're alone every other day too. You should be used to it by now.

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 14, 2015

Big Shout out to Mike from Ireland who just thanked me because he thought he'd run out of beers but then found 3 Carlings behind the eggs

— Jesus Christ! Actually real and in no way a parody (@ThatBloke_Jesus) January 31, 2015

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Just answering prayers:
No
No
OK
No That's racist
No
Yeah ok
Nah you'll lose 2-0
Yes
Diet
No he will never love you
Ok
3 12 36 38 44 49

— Jesus Christ! Actually real and in no way a parody (@ThatBloke_Jesus) February 11, 2015

My favorite part of the bible was that part where I'm alone and talking to God (myself) and someone who wasn't there was writing about it

— Jesus Christ! Actually real and in no way a parody (@ThatBloke_Jesus) January 20, 2015

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When you're about to win the Hogwarts House Cup but then Dumbledore gives Gryffindor a bunch of last-minute points. pic.twitter.com/uobYjn1x01

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 2, 2015

When you grab the Triwizard Cup and think you won but it was a portkey and now you're in a graveyard with Voldemort. pic.twitter.com/4oJ270Fo4c

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 9, 2015

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AMERICA: Hey, what's up?
[55 Years Later]
HARPER LEE: Not much, you?

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 3, 2015

"It's a banana in my pocket"
"May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?"
*averts eyes*
"I'm glad to see you"

— Hi, I'm Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) October 21, 2014

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[grabs mic to make wedding toast and wife knows that look in my eye]
"brent don't"
🎶so baby gimmie dat toot toot lemme give ya dat beep beep

— brent (@murrman5) February 14, 2015

https://twitter.com/Playing_Dad/status/566640684112023553

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Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl's hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins

— Jay (@DirtMcTurd) September 17, 2013

"911 what's your emergency?"
Hi, just making sure you didn't change your number on me too
"Sir you can't keep doing this"
I miss her so much

— Donnie (@donnie_fairburn) December 28, 2014

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And The Lord sayeth "Noah. Noah I'm talking to you. Stop kil... Noah look at me. Stop killing the mosquitos. Fucking look at me Noah."

— noog (@noog) January 17, 2015

One difference between Men & Women is nicknames.

Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly

Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts

— Jay (@DirtMcTurd) February 4, 2015

A Tweet Or Two

Congressman John Lewis on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma this morning pic.twitter.com/n9J6SARTMv

— Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 14, 2015

Happy Birthday Frederick Douglass pic.twitter.com/GkXWSMvstV

— Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 14, 2015

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WH: the President has directed his Secretary of Labor Tom Perez travel to California to meet with the parties in the port dispute

— Zeke Miller (@ZekeJMiller) February 14, 2015

You can submit requests for expanded #DACA beginning Feb. 18. Read the updated FAQs and form instructions. http://t.co/MF1VqKFKcU

— USCIS (@USCIS) February 13, 2015

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#BHM2015 Frederick Douglass runaway slave, abolitionist, orator, writer was born #OnThisDay. http://t.co/geqXNdGLAj pic.twitter.com/F2ey6Hir5s

— The Crisis Magazine (@thecrisismag) February 14, 2015

https://twitter.com/thashadow/status/566403943698153472

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Chicago mayor to award championship rings to disqualified Little League team http://t.co/DLSZ3vJAz8 pic.twitter.com/ch21gc2j9R

— The Root (@TheRoot) February 14, 2015

@NerdyWonka This is my #painting for Celebrating Black History...hoping you follow pic.twitter.com/fSI9M1EtOV

— Everyday paintings by Shan Sundaram (@tamilartist) February 14, 2015

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Angry white racists with guns like Craig Hicks are not a random fringe minority. A lot of them just become cops.

— Aamer Rahman (@aamer_rahman) February 14, 2015

You're going to tell me he's not a terrorist? 14 firearms seized from #ChapelHillShooting suspect's home http://t.co/LAMtzsYopv via @WRAL:

— Dr. Debbie Almontaser (@DebbiAlmontaser) February 14, 2015

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Chat Away

Happy ❤ Day 🙂

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Barack Obama visits a pre-kindergarten classroom at the College Heights Early Childhood Learning Center in Decatur, Ga., Feb. 14, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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Today

10:10 AM PST: The President departs San Francisco, en route Palm Springs, California

11:30 AM: Arrives Palm Springs

Tomorrow

The President has no public events scheduled

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On This Day

President Obama visits Parkville Middle School and Center of Technology in Parkville, Maryland February 14, 2011. At left is teacher Susan Yoder.

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President Obama and Vice President Biden talk with Vice President Xi Jinping of the People’s Republic of China and members of the Chinese delegation following their bilateral meeting in the Oval Office, Feb. 14, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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College Heights Early Childhood Learning Center in Decatur, Georgia. Feb. 14, 2013

President Obama joins in a music program at the College Heights Early Childhood Learning Center in Decatur, Ga., Feb. 14, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

On This Day: President Barack Obama hugs students during a visit to a pre-kindergarten classroom at the College Heights Early Childhood Learning Center in Decatur, Ga., Feb. 14, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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MoooOOOooorning!

chat away

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