Presidents Day Calls For Laughter

https://twitter.com/Diversion50/status/500349939583819776

https://twitter.com/trentistweeting/status/560253673549225984

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what do you mean my cat has to stay in the car? pal i didn't come into this wendy's lookin for a fight but you're making that real difficult

— lil jon lovitz (non-seasonal) (@liljonlovitz) January 21, 2015

🎶Dough; a base, a pizza base
Ray; a pizza deliverer!
Me; a guy, who eats pizza
Far; a bad place 4 my food!

"Sir, place ur order or hang up"

— Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) (@ojedge) January 21, 2015

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[having sex]
Mmm…do that thing I like
"Uh…right now?"
Yes! Y'know I love it
"OK *kermit the frog voice* Yaaaay!"
Oh god. Now flail your arms

— Jebby (@Jennuflect) January 21, 2015

"Did you remember to take the dog out?"
Ah crap, I forgot
[Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 9, 2015

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Probably the best thing on the internet. pic.twitter.com/Pg3xu253RW

— Rick Burin (@rickburin) February 4, 2015

https://twitter.com/hippieswordfish/status/563141161741594625

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[steak restaurant]
WAITER: And for you sir?
COW: [carefully closes menu] I should not have come here

— Joe West (@joejwest) February 9, 2015

This fkin idiot thinks we can't see him... pic.twitter.com/01uPHiKH9g

— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) February 4, 2015

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My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place

— No I Didn’t (@AndyRichter) October 21, 2012

*hotel bar. i spill water on myself*

Fuck a DUCK

*duck at the end of the bar slides me a hotel key*

*winks*

*soft jazz piano plays*

FIN

— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) January 23, 2015

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if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape

— huntigula (@huntigula) February 10, 2014

When a ghost films you getting knocked out by a kangaroo... pic.twitter.com/VnreIRAISC

— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) February 3, 2015

A Tweet Or Two

Celebrate #PresidentsDay with all the U.S. Presidents and First Ladies at our new and improved historical pages → http://t.co/qHKvqxvfPa

— White House Archived (@ObamaWhiteHouse) February 16, 2015

“We are 6-year-old twin brothers who love American history.” —Jett & Luke to President Obama: http://t.co/qHKvqxMRdK pic.twitter.com/Z69jtWizAP

— White House Archived (@ObamaWhiteHouse) February 16, 2015

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George Washington, Slave Catcher. Absolute must read. http://t.co/0E5KkSSlmn pic.twitter.com/F92FhJf6x1

— deray (@deray) February 16, 2015

Voting rights memorial in Selma: From marchers on bridge to "Hands That Picked Cotton Picked a President" pic.twitter.com/FGy14i3LjS

— Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 16, 2015

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Grand jury indicts #ChapelHillShooting suspect on 3 counts of first-degree murder http://t.co/OBOpdDodx5 - @WRAL pic.twitter.com/mcm4QvxaPL

— CBS News (@CBSNews) February 16, 2015

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: ISIS Represents Islam Like KKK Represents Christianity http://t.co/EwcifKrVJp (VIDEO) pic.twitter.com/jpbqMA4Zvz

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) February 16, 2015

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#BREAKING More than 160 Boko Haram suspects arrested in Niger, say police

— AFP News Agency (@AFP) February 16, 2015

US Defense officials: Egyptian airstrikes against ISIS in Libya were not coordinated with US: http://t.co/lHekUnqpuj pic.twitter.com/oJWWZ4Rb7o

— ABC News (@ABC) February 16, 2015

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https://twitter.com/tanehisicoates/status/567332748835434497

I just... RT @steenfox: Real. RT @wizzyjr: #BlackHistoryMonth pic.twitter.com/2aBzCsjHPI

— Johnetta Elzie (@Nettaaaaaaaa) February 16, 2015

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French President: Vandalism of hundreds of Jewish cemetery graves is "odious and barbaric" act http://t.co/cKMCsl32ep pic.twitter.com/5PybHOw50g

— CBS News (@CBSNews) February 16, 2015

https://twitter.com/onecaliberal/status/567356580568375296

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Did you struggle to sign up for ObamaCare this weekend? If so, you get an extra week: http://t.co/MaJtYsYY4z

— The Hill (@thehill) February 16, 2015

The White House is ratcheting up pressure on Congress over Homeland Security funding: http://t.co/AfFcIRWa4o pic.twitter.com/0fUPWyz50N

— The Hill (@thehill) February 16, 2015

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg: America is ready to accept gay marriage http://t.co/St7o9Pa8nJ pic.twitter.com/6FmnrwV3lw

— Mother Jones (@MotherJones) February 16, 2015

"Those who fail to learn from history are huge supporters of my presidential campaign."

- Jeb Bush

— L O L G O P (@LOLGOP) February 15, 2015

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In less than three weeks, Texas has scheduled the execution of a man who is likely innocent. http://t.co/BybAympX93

— Radley Balko (@radleybalko) February 16, 2015

Talib Kweli spearheads The Ferguson Defense Fund for protesters and activists: http://t.co/uPp6iLsYo1 pic.twitter.com/WsqimNdkp6

— Rolling Out (@RollingOut) February 16, 2015

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The brutality is incomprehensible. Read it if you dare--> Black History | Characteristics of the Lynching Era.http://t.co/fhNBfID2u9

— 3ChicsPolitico (@3ChicsPolitico) February 15, 2015

Canadian police foil white supremacist mass shooting in Halifax and explain why they don't consider it terrorism. pic.twitter.com/kGvgcNMtd5

— ıuoodɹɯ (@MrPooni) February 15, 2015

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“new report on women of color in science...100% of the 60 scientists...reported experiencing bias & discrimination” http://t.co/a1Yr7yKvw0

— Garance Franke-Ruta (@thegarance) February 16, 2015

Nobody GAVE black women shit. "@ShannonLeeKiss: http://t.co/0HP8K9voRM"

— #HitHimBack (@IsisPaperzZ) February 12, 2015

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I just realised that the War on Terror is just a big parking dispute.

— Aamer Rahman (@aamer_rahman) February 11, 2015

Black men in college 1.4 million
Black men in prison 0.7 millionhttp://t.co/TFgsSEPwRK pic.twitter.com/ghTiHtUxIb

— Conrad Hackett (@conradhackett) February 15, 2015

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https://twitter.com/JohnFugelsang/status/567082846691786752

1. Finally, my biggest failure of 2014: Once again not securing the #disclosure of the UFO files. #thetruthisstilloutthere cc: @NYTimesDowd

— Brian Deese NARA (@Deese44) February 13, 2015

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Obama seeks $2 billion in private dollars for clean energy - http://t.co/lPm2j0awsC #climatechange

— Josh Lederman (@JoshNBCNews) February 10, 2015

BS. Take off his name & his POLICIES get support. MT @SaintPetersblog Gallup: Obama on pace to be most politically polarized president ever.

— 🇺🇸🇭🇹 Only4RM 🇭🇹🇺🇸 (@Only4RM) February 9, 2015

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Talks between American Postal Workers Union & USPS on a new contract start Thursday. APWU will demand postal banking as part of negotiations

— David Dayen (@ddayen) February 16, 2015

Step 1: Blow hole in budget w/tax cuts. Step 2: Blow hole in safety net to cover losses. @DannyVinik on Brownback http://t.co/mhetQCZCLr

— Jonathan Cohn (@CitizenCohn) February 15, 2015

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An apt picture for the crap crap crap that is Man United 😉

Man Utd kit arrives at Deepdale. They're locked out. #pne pic.twitter.com/7YYx8LaUsW

— BBC North West (@BBCNWT) February 16, 2015

Friend just got this message on her online dating and I’m not sure I’ll ever stop screaming. pic.twitter.com/EVdJuSBUGQ

— The Poisonous Euros Atmosphere Fan (@DawnHFoster) February 16, 2015

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https://twitter.com/ThingsAKidSaid/status/563721207611396097

https://twitter.com/ThingsAKidSaid/status/565670529617903616

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It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

— Boo Meringue (@Izianikapani) February 11, 2015

For the first 2 hours of my crucifixion I thought I was being Punk'd

— Jesus Christ! Actually real and in no way a parody (@ThatBloke_Jesus) January 26, 2015

Chat Away

Happy President’s Day!

Early Bird Rise and Shine

On This Day: Women react in the Red Room after meeting First Lady Michelle Obama during their White House tour, Feb. 16, 2012 (Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

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MoooOOOooorning – having a lazy start to Monday, so chat on!

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😎