Laughter, Laughter, And More Laughter

My son asked what being a grown-up is like, so I gave him $48 to buy the $49 Xbox game he's been begging for

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Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) May 23, 2014

And then Jesus performed an unbelievable miracle.. "No way.." I said skeptically.. He then faintly whispered: "Yahweh."

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Chris Scarlette (@ChrisScarlette) February 07, 2015

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http://t.co/OL9MaGs1Cw

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ann love supreme (@omically) February 08, 2015

http://t.co/d1UNMW3ve5

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Matt (@matt___nelson) February 08, 2015

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*throws tiny rocks at your bedroom window until you open it* *harsh whisper* DOES YOUR CAT LIKE THE VEST I MADE HIM

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lil jon lovitz (@nbadag) February 04, 2015

[grabs Walmart intercom] IF DIGIORNOS ISNT DELIVERY THEN HOW IS IT DELIVERED TO THE STORE?? *fighting noises* DELIVER US THE TRUTH

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Trent (@trentistweeting) February 06, 2015

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[on a rollercoaster with my cat] Me: Are you having fun, buddy? Cat: *has already fallen out of the seat*

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Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 21, 2015

Actual footage: http://t.co/QYXY15VpeG

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Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) February 01, 2015

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She wears her heart on her sleeve, her pancreas on her shoes, her lungs on her skirt, her liver o... She's disemboweled, is what I'm saying.

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  (@KattsDogma) January 29, 2015

"Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?" -DMX discovering sweaters

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Jimi Torosian (@jimmytorosian) January 25, 2015

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[At McDonalds] "ugh pickles. I hate pickles" [Family of pickles on next table] "Just ignore them kids"

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Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 08, 2015

"That'll be $19.94." *pulls out $50 bill* "Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?" *pulls out $25 bill*

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Blind Chow (@BlindChow) February 01, 2015

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-The name's Bond. James Bond. -I've written Bond now. -Oh. Can you change it or is it too late? -When your coffee's ready they'll call Bond

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Keri (@kerihw) July 04, 2014

Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little nookie. Jack saw poon And came too soon And Jill left muttering 'rookie.'

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Batkaren (@batkaren) January 27, 2015

A Tweet Or Two

This is a MUST read

A Black Mississippi Judge's Breathtaking Speech To 3 White Murderers npr.org/blogs/codeswit…

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deray mckesson (@deray) February 14, 2015

30 arrested for food stamp fraud. Lazy black people takin all the...WAIT wcax.com/story/28064622… http://t.co/kJfBQ5JjiE

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  (@marcussimmonscc) February 15, 2015

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This piece on the Chapel Hill massacre is spot on goo.gl/1sFF4x http://t.co/PdcuWgBlDp

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Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) February 13, 2015

North Carolina victim's sister: "This was premeditated murder" on.msnbc.com/1zeVYmA http://t.co/NzLrVNo149

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  (@msnbc) February 15, 2015

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Black Queens! http://t.co/RUaOSIP288

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  (@3ChicsPolitico) February 15, 2015

We celebrate Althea Gibson.1951 - First African American Woman to win tennis title at Wimbledon.. #BlackHistoryMonth http://t.co/AbNoV05CKa

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Kasai™ (@Kahsai) February 14, 2015

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Today is the last day. Go Get Covered

The shot clock's winding down: Today's your last chance to #GetCovered → healthcare.gov #NBAAllStarNYC http://t.co/4U6LTHqrxP

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 15, 2015

Last call for health insurance this year: ofa.bo/e2mo #GetCoveredNow

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Barack Obama (@BarackObama) February 15, 2015

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Danish prime minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt visits synagogue in Copenhagen telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews… #cphshooting http://t.co/rfixZbi6Jl

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Søren Martin Olsen (@soerenmolsen) February 15, 2015

From @AP: BREAKING: Police say man killed by police believed to be gunman behind 2 shootings in Copenhagen

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BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) February 15, 2015

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Nigerian troops repel Boko Haram attack on the Northeast city of Gombe bloom.bg/1AEe3Pi

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Bloomberg Business (@business) February 15, 2015

#BREAKING Italy halts operations at Libya embassy, repatriates staff: ministry

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Agence France-Presse (@AFP) February 15, 2015

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Barack Obama was right. nytimes.com/2015/02/15/opi…

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Ta-Nehisi Coates (@tanehisicoates) February 15, 2015

Now that's funny. http://t.co/J0djR76U93

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Big Dad (@tm_combs) February 15, 2015

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Tenuous #Ukraine cease fire: “If we are slapped on one cheek, we will not turn the other.” mashable.com/2015/02/15/new… http://t.co/dNqOCGeDXz

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Jim Roberts (@nycjim) February 15, 2015

20-year-old #Turkey woman found brutally murdered. Killed while fighting off rape attempt. hurriyetdailynews.com/20-year-old-tu… http://t.co/EuUovSqPZ2

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Jim Roberts (@nycjim) February 15, 2015

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'No Go' Zones Were First Made In America shar.es/1oLtam via @sharethis #SunDownTowns

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Alycee (@jazziz2) February 15, 2015

Nuclear waste? West Texas dump site wants even more. The serious stuff. @Jmalewitz reports trib.it/1vAWI9H http://t.co/zBTSnW1ko3

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Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) February 10, 2015

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"Israel is America's ally when it serves Israel's interest." theatlantic.com/politics/archi…

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The Atlantic (@TheAtlantic) February 15, 2015

This! http://t.co/TZMSKkEbnO

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Irma Aguilar-Delfin (@dyctiostelium) February 06, 2015

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#BREAKING Female suicide bomber kills 6 in northeast Nigeria: witnesses

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Agence France-Presse (@AFP) February 15, 2015

#UPDATE At least 15,000 rally in Athens ahead of bailout talks u.afp.com/rmB

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Agence France-Presse (@AFP) February 15, 2015

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Obama requires that federal agencies disclose where they fly drone & what they do with data. mashable.com/2015/02/15/faa… http://t.co/JsdOsiZ9lH

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Jim Roberts (@nycjim) February 15, 2015

As the ceasefire begins in Ukraine, servicemen play football on a road at Svitlodarsk near Debaltseve http://t.co/PckPKmOEi1

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Agence France-Presse (@AFP) February 15, 2015

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Poet Laureate Philip Levine has died at 87. In an interview from 1999 he talks about his work theatlantic.com/entertainment/… http://t.co/rUnzBUfLKR

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The Atlantic (@TheAtlantic) February 15, 2015

Nutella king, Michele Ferrero, who became Italy’s richest man with chocolate empire, is dead. dailym.ai/1zV9wHu http://t.co/aG3txFpzrq

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Jim Roberts (@nycjim) February 15, 2015

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Video purportedly shows Islamic State militants beheading Coptic Christians in Libya. trib.in/1v14Yz2 http://t.co/JpU6ddhJY4

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Chicago Tribune (@chicagotribune) February 15, 2015

North Carolina offers a national model for fighting wrongful convictions theatln.tc/1FOSETx http://t.co/fxzUJj6dMT

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The Atlantic (@TheAtlantic) February 15, 2015

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Today's your last chance to #GetCovered → healthcare.gov #NBAAllStarNYC http://t.co/OUsj84Cngt

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Eric Schultz (@Schultz44) February 15, 2015

The Obama administration is quietly racking up birth control victories, despite Hobby Lobby thkpr.gs/3623355

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ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) February 15, 2015

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Suspect In Foiled Canadian Mall Shooting Left Social Media Trail n.pr/1v162D6

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NPR News (@nprnews) February 15, 2015

Congressman says we don’t need education funding because ‘Socrates trained Plato on a rock’ thkpr.gs/3623158 http://t.co/QTlL64CgnF

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ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) February 15, 2015

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86 Million reasons why the Koch brothers aren’t socially liberal thkpr.gs/3617677 http://t.co/5kmv44QnmV

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ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) February 14, 2015

Mississippi Rep. opposes more school funding because "welfare crazy checks" for "blacks" don't work bit.ly/1Eymk6i

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Talking Points Memo (@TPM) February 15, 2015

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Honestly don't see how any Democratic Congressman can go to Bibi speech after Boehner's admission today ...

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Michael Cohen (@speechboy71) February 15, 2015

Alabama Chief Justice: Supreme Court can't change God's "organic law" on marriage bit.ly/1L0OOK6

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Talking Points Memo (@TPM) February 15, 2015

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On Fox News Sunday a short time ago: Chris Wallace: "You're prepared to let that [DHS shutdown] happen?" Speaker Boehner: "Certainly!"

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Adam Jentleson (@AJentleson) February 15, 2015

Boehner: I didn't want "interference" from White House in Netanyahu speech bit.ly/1zgv3GM

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Talking Points Memo (@TPM) February 15, 2015

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Hundreds protest deadly police shooting in Washington state bit.ly/1DcDbP0 http://t.co/MPflenjuFD

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Talking Points Memo (@TPM) February 15, 2015

Jeb Bush On Iraq And Afghanistan Wars: 'I Won't Talk About The Past' talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/jeb-b…

—
Daniel Strauss (@DanielStrauss4) February 14, 2015

****

http://t.co/4CYGIZhG9C

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elli (@ellivent) February 15, 2015

JEB BUSH: I won't talk about the wars my brother lost or the economy he destroyed. Now let me use his donor network and advisors in peace.

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  (@LOLGOP) February 15, 2015

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The #US administration believes the odds of reaching an #Iran nuclear deal have risen in recent days al-monitor.com/pulse/original… #Irantalks

—
Laura Rozen (@lrozen) February 14, 2015

5 Policies That Republicans Loved (Until Obama Did, Too) nationalmemo.com/5-policies-rep… http://t.co/5dCxDslUVd

—
The National Memo (@NationalMemo) February 14, 2015

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Gay couples are now getting married in Alabama. I love watching a red state add orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. #ALmarriage

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God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 09, 2015

83 Americans die every single day because of terrorism... Wait. Sorry that's because of gun violence. Not supposed to talk about that one.

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  (@LOLGOP) February 15, 2015

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Proving that when it comes to racial profiling in America, there are 50 shades of disgrace. http://t.co/7XRKHwzEgk

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God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 13, 2015

America: where minorities, for good reason, fear their kids getting shot, and white people, for no reason, fear their kids getting shots.

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God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 12, 2015

Chat Away

Rise and Shine: The Week Ahead

President Barack Obama gestures during a meeting in the Oval Office, Feb. 15, 2011. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

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Monday

The President will depart Palm Springs en route Washington, DC

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Tuesday

The President will attend meetings at the White House

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Wednesday

The President will deliver remarks at the White House Summit on Countering Violent Extremism to highlight domestic and international efforts to prevent violent extremists and their supporters from radicalizing, recruiting, or inspiring individuals or groups in the United States and abroad to commit acts of violence

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Thursday

The President will go to the State Department to deliver remarks to a high-level Ministerial as part of the White House Summit on Countering Violent Extremism.

Afterward, the President will travel to Chicago to announce the Pullman National Monument

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Friday

The President will deliver remarks at the General Session of the 2015 DNC Winter Meeting at the Hyatt Regency in Washington, DC

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Saturday

No public events scheduled

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Sunday

The President will deliver remarks at the National Governors Association Dinner and Reception at the White House.

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On This Day

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama wait in the Green Room of the White House with Sylvia Mendez and Bill Russell as recipients of the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom are introduced in the East Room, Feb. 15, 2011 (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Barack Obama awards the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom to Dr. Maya Angelou

President Obama awards the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom to John Lewis

President Obama hugs Libby Little after presenting the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom posthumously to her husband, Dr. Tom Little

President Obama reaches over the shoulders of 6’9″ Bill Russell to present him with the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House February 15, 2011

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First Lady Michelle Obama, Dr. Jill Biden, and Gen. Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, stand for the national anthem at the Pentagon in Arlington, Va., Feb. 15, 2012 (Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

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President Obama participates in a “Becoming a Man” program roundtable at the Hyde Park Career Academy in Chicago, Ill., Feb. 15, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

On This Day: Maya Angelou receives a Medal of Freedom from President Obama at the White House, February 15, 2011

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MoooOOOooorning!