Today Really Needs Laughter

[kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Amazon. "Why's it take 9 months?" Shipping. Go to sleep.

—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 19, 2015

[emergency room] "We need to put pressure on the wound!" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"

—
Jazmasta (@jazmasta) February 16, 2015

****

"what's your most cherished memory keith?" [looks at my wife and baby in crowd with loving smile] [leans into mic] i heard a dog laugh once

—
k e e t (@KeetPotato) February 16, 2015

cop 1: "so what happened this time henry" henry viii: "her head fell off again" cop 1: "goddamnit" cop 2: "YES" [cop 1 hands cop 2 £20 note]

—
k e e t (@KeetPotato) February 17, 2015

****

[adoption interview] why do u want a baby [pictures it crawling under museum lasers to retrieve Odin's Orb] I just have so much love to give

—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 12, 2015

ma'am, have you found jesus in your life lady: I can't get him out of the damn house Jesus from the other room: I fuckin heard that Karen

—
handsome turd (@poopchampion) February 19, 2015

****

dentist: u can't eat for the next 3 hours me: [already chewing on her shirt] what

—
  (@Thynebear) February 18, 2015

[animals lining up to get on the ark] Noah: sorry guys, you're not on the list Woodpeckers: this is bullshit

—
Alex van Beek (@AlexvanBeek) February 15, 2015

****

me: you take requests? DJ: yes me: good play "He Will Raise You Up" this club is full of sin come on let's get some jesus up in here

—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 11, 2015

[throws knife in] FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! http://t.co/AWnnBWAPc9

—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 09, 2015

****

[Kool-Aid Man bursts through hospital wall] OH YEAHHH! [his doctor] I'm sorry, K Man, it's cancer [voice quivering] Oh yeah?

—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 29, 2015

*catches son swearing through sign language* "We don't use that language in this house" *hands him hand sanitizer* "You know what to do"

—
Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) January 26, 2015

 ****

[at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*

—
Jake (@jake_likes_naps) February 18, 2015

50 Shades Of Grey deleted scene: What do you want me to do? "Twist it" Mmm ok "Pull it" Oooo kinky "Bop it" Wait what

—
Mark (@Quadricycle) February 12, 2015

A Tweet Or Two

"It's time to end the era of manufactured crises." —President Obama on #ImmigrationAction ofa.bo/j37r

—
Barack Obama (@BarackObama) February 24, 2015

Breaking News: As Republicans Concede, F.C.C. Is Expected to Enforce Net Neutrality nyti.ms/1FV1eTz

—
The New York Times (@nytimes) February 24, 2015

****

Why President Obama will ultimately win on immigration: on.msnbc.com/1adGHgf op-ed by @SimonWDC (Gregory Bull/AP) http://t.co/7sVRKETc8W

—
  (@msnbc) February 24, 2015

Obama vetoes Keystone XL bill wapo.st/1B9OupE

—
Washington Post (@washingtonpost) February 24, 2015

****

US Postal Service Honors Maya Angelou With Forever Stamp nbcnews.to/1Gmu64B http://t.co/W4o23BOcdd

—
NBC BLK (@NBCBLK) February 23, 2015

10-year-old math prodigy studying to complete university degree bit.ly/1D87CAU http://t.co/YIB0LeKWOu

—
Global Grind News (@GlobalGrindNews) February 24, 2015

****

Remembering Jimmie Lee Jackson, whose death 50 years ago led to "Bloody Sunday" & VRA thenat.in/1EaHiub http://t.co/GgZfFFYMtH

—
Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 24, 2015

Family of Trayvon Martin "disappointed" in findings of DOJ invest, but "it has steeled our resolve" - @SeniABC http://t.co/yJKzc2Z7ny

—
ABC News (@ABC) February 24, 2015

****

The First Lady is challenging you, @NancyODell & @KevinFrazier. #GimmeFive ways the stars stay fit, and pass it on: amp.twimg.com/v/91e62d7f-533…

—
The First Lady (@FLOTUS) February 24, 2015

Hey @FLOTUS, I see your #GimmeFive challenge and pass it on to @NickJonas! #LetsMove amp.twimg.com/v/0704c598-4d9…

—
Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) February 24, 2015

****

Every economic indicator performs better under Democrats. america.aljazeera.com/opinions/2015/… http://t.co/9uPHWgkIQf

—
Sean McElwee (@SeanMcElwee) February 24, 2015

If you fail to recognize Obama's intelligence, integrity & sincerity, you may lack those qualities #ObamaLovesAmerica http://t.co/5vBoEE0efB

—
Casey (@pari_passu) February 20, 2015

****

#BHM Rebecca Lee Crumpler graduates from the New England Female Medical College the first Black woman as an MD #TDIH http://t.co/F5CpsQVaYJ

—
The Crisis Magazine (@thecrisismag) February 24, 2015

This black man owns the ONLY #sequin manufacturing company in the US. ow.ly/JxtjP #BEHighSociety

—
Black Enterprise (@blackenterprise) February 24, 2015

****

John Lewis: Giuliani's Comments Show 'Scars and Signs of Racism' Still Present in U.S. bit.ly/1JInh2Q (VIDEO) http://t.co/2okNkNTXLz

—
  (@Mediaite) February 24, 2015

Four arrested on terror charges. What is it about their faces that'll keep this story buried? m.heraldextra.com/news/local/cen… http://t.co/3TALalRAjJ

—
CJ Werleman (@cjwerleman) February 23, 2015

****

Perfect response by Zendaya to Giuliana Rancic’s and Kelly Osbourne’s racist comments. She is 18!!! Bravo!

http://t.co/q0fOYrv3gc

—
  (@Zendaya) February 24, 2015

Zendaya Wrote A Powerful Defense Of Her Dreadlocks After Racist Comments On Fashion Police bzfd.it/1Fmy7ou http://t.co/xtn8e75nn8

—
  (@BuzzFeed) February 24, 2015

****

when Kylie Jenner got dreads they were "edgy" and "urban". Yet when Zendaya got them, they smell like "weed & oil". THIS IS WHY WE GET MAD.

—
aquatic mistress (@momodamermaid) February 24, 2015

So don't sit up here and say "people should be able to experiment with whatever style they want" BECAUSE CLEARLY THIS RULE FAVORS WHITE PPL

—
aquatic mistress (@momodamermaid) February 24, 2015

****

The Veto Heard Around The World

****

New York Times: Obama Vetoes Keystone XL Pipeline Bill

President Obama on Tuesday vetoed a bill to approve construction of the Keystone XL oil pipeline, rejecting an effort by Republicans and some Democrats to force his administration to let the highly contested energy project move forward. By saying no to the legislation, Mr. Obama retains the authority to make a final judgment on the pipeline on his own timeline. The White House has said the president would decide whether to allow the pipeline when all of the environmental and regulatory reviews are complete. But the veto — his first rejection of major legislation as president — is also a demonstration of political strength directed at Republicans who now control both chambers of Congress.

Mr. Obama is signaling that he will fight back against their agenda. The Obama administration must decide whether to approve infrastructure projects like the Keystone pipeline, which cross a border with another country. In his veto message to Congress, delivered with no fanfare on Tuesday afternoon, Mr. Obama wrote that the legislation “attempts to circumvent longstanding and proven processes for determining whether or not building and operating a cross-border pipeline serves the national interest.” Mr. Obama added that “because this act of Congress conflicts with established executive branch procedures and cuts short thorough consideration of issues that could bear on our national interest — including our security, safety, and environment — it has earned my veto.”

More here

****

I’d bet money that lobbying for Keystone created more jobs than the pipeline itself would.

—
David Roberts (@drgrist) February 24, 2015

President Obama has vetoed the Keystone XL pipeline. Thank you, Mr President. http://t.co/kWsZV3O7cd

—
TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) February 24, 2015

****

****

Obama Vetoes Keystone XL Pipeline Bill nyti.ms/1DPsL8i

—
The New York Times (@nytimes) February 24, 2015

BREAKING: Obama has officially vetoed Keystone XL ow.ly/JBw7h http://t.co/V6DOwRFxsl

—
The Hill (@thehill) February 24, 2015

****

President Obama has vetoed Senate S-1, the Keystone Pipeline bill. http://t.co/rdCTdgASGa

—
meta (@metaquest) February 24, 2015

Exclusive photo of Obama moments after signing Keystone veto http://t.co/d4slSfV3Wq

—
jennifer bendery (@jbendery) February 24, 2015

****

More jobs were created every day in January than would ever be created by Keystone XL.

—
  (@LOLGOP) February 24, 2015

It's official. President Obama's veto of the Keystone XL bill is the 3rd and most significant of his presidency. http://t.co/cxF282t5Qr

—
Tamara Keith (@tamarakeithNPR) February 24, 2015

****

Keystone is Obama's third veto ever trib.al/SAgvJHF http://t.co/3DW2rVZel5

—
National Journal (@nationaljournal) February 24, 2015

President Obama vetoes Keystone pipeline bill usat.ly/1BnnF2O via @usatoday

—
Donna NoShock (@NoShock) February 24, 2015

****

If Keystone went away, how would the GOP come up with another plan to create 35 whole jobs?

—
  (@LOLGOP) February 24, 2015

President Obama vetoed the#KeystoneXL pipeline approval bill, the third veto of his presidency on.wsj.com/1Fpvout http://t.co/JfWtIObPJ0

—
Capital Journal (@WSJPolitics) February 24, 2015

****

Okay... so will the PUBs/emos/pro lefties who have been trashing Obama for six years finally give him credit? Or... fb.me/7kcM8HgDn

—
Milt Shook (@MiltShook) February 24, 2015

BREAKING: President Obama vetoes Republican Keystone XL pipeline legislation fb.me/3pD3VW2u0

—
Chris Savage (@Eclectablog) February 24, 2015

****

Big news! Great news! Pres. Obama has been on a roll lately!! via @nprnews: Obama Vetoes Keystone XL Pipeline Bill n.pr/17TKbTf

—
Samir Bali (@OhNoItsSammyBoy) February 24, 2015

Breaking: President Obama Vetoes Keystone XL Bill - Update: Right Wing Freakout Well Under Way lgf.bz/1MPlWpX

—
Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) February 24, 2015

****

So, it's official? President Obama vetoed Keystone. No deals and kept his promise. This is a big deal.

—
  (@GoBrooklyn) February 24, 2015

Good | news.yahoo.com/congress-sends… President Barack Obama vetoed the bill that approved the controversial Keystone XL oil pipeline Tuesday.

—
martin (@martinyourbro) February 24, 2015

****

I know cause I won both of them. MT @msnbc: BREAKING: President Obama has vetoed Keystone XL pipeline. http://t.co/xnECUGIV0B

—
BWD (@theonlyadult) February 24, 2015

Damn, love the President 🙂 #Keystone http://t.co/GxpYQ5AOl9

—
TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) February 24, 2015

****

Presidential vetoes: Obama: 3 GWB: 12 Clinton: 37 GHWB: 44 Reagan: 78 Carter: 31 Ford: 66 Nixon: 43 Johnson: 30 Kennedy: 21 Eisenhower: 181

—
Damian Paletta (@damianpaletta) February 24, 2015

BREAKING: President Obama has vetoed Senate bill that approves the Keystone XL pipeline

—
  (@msnbc) February 24, 2015

Medicare Saves $15B On Prescription Drug Costs. Thanks, ObamaCare

****

Sarah Ferris: Medicare Drug Costs Shrinking Under ObamaCare

ObamaCare has led to substantial savings in prescription drug costs and a strong increase in the use of preventive services, administration officials announced Tuesday. “Our parents and grandparents on Medicare saved more than $15 billion on prescription drugs since President Obama signed the Affordable Care Act in 2010,” Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Sylvia Mathews Burwell said. Those savings amount to nearly $1,600 per person enrolled in Medicare — an increase from about $1,400 in average savings last year. Tackling prescription drug costs has been a major goal of the Obama administration, pledging to close the coverage gap, known as the “doughnut hole,” by 2020. Because

Medicare drug plans have a limit on how much they pay for medication, beneficiaries are forced to pay for their treatments out of pocket before their catastrophic coverage kicks in. Under ObamaCare, recipients in the “doughnut hole” receive a rebate or discount from the government to help them save on prescription drug costs until the gap can ultimately be closed. Burwell also highlighted the growing use of preventive healthcare coverage under ObamaCare — another top issue for the administration. Many provider groups only signed onto healthcare reform with the promise that preventive care would be a central tenet. Nearly 40 million people have used at least one of Medicare’s free preventive services in the last year alone, the secretary said. Nearly 5 million enrollees received the annual wellness exam.

More here

****

Thanks Mitch! @StevenTDennis: Uninsured rate cut in half in 1 year in Mitch McConnell's Kentucky http://t.co/ebsQFvrU8T”

—
BWD (@theonlyadult) February 24, 2015

Medicare drug costs shrinking under ObamaCare: ow.ly/JAOda

—
The Hill (@thehill) February 24, 2015

****

The COMPLETE 2015 Graph: 32 Million People in 1 Image acasignups.net/15/02/23/compl… @ThePlumLineGS @DemFromCT @Jed_Graham http://t.co/vSPRThLI2x

—
Charles Gaba (@charles_gaba) February 23, 2015

Medicare drug costs shrinking under ObamaCare bit.ly/1LCBPi4

—
The Hill Healthwatch (@hillhealthwatch) February 24, 2015

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama talk with Vice President Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden in the Blue Room of the White House before the National Governors Association Dinner, Feb. 24, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

Today (all times Eastern)

11:20: The President meets with the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad al Thani

1:0: White House Press Briefing

2:10: The President and VP meet with rank-and-file law enforcement officials to thank them for their service to our communities

4:15: Meets with Members of Congress to discuss criminal justice reform; Cabinet Room

****

The First Anniversary of the Greatest Thing Ever

President Obama participates in an interview with Zach Galifianakis for “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis” in the Diplomatic Reception Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2014 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

On This Day

President Obama has a moment alone with Press Secretary Robert Gibbs and Senior Advisor David Axelrod before addressing the Joint Session of the United States Congress at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C., Feb. 24, 2009 (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama hugs Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg as he arrives to address a joint session of congress on Capitol Hill in Washington on February 24, 2009

President Obama greets Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi as Vice President Biden watches on prior to addressing a joint session of congress on Capitol Hill in Washington on February 24, 2009

President Obama addresses the Joint Session of the United States Congress at the U.S. Capitol, Washington, D.C., Feb., 24, 2009 (Photo by Pete Souza)

First Lady Michelle Obama hugs Ty’Sheoma Bethea, a student from Dillon, South Carolina, who was pointed out during a speech by President Obama as he addressed a joint session of congress on Capitol Hill in Washington on February 24, 2009

****

NSC Senior Director for Russian Affairs Mike McFaul briefs President Obama in the Oval Office, Feb. 24, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama talks with family members of Ambassador Daniel Ohene Agyekum of Ghana, during a credentialing ceremony in the Oval Office, Feb. 24, 2010 (Photo by Samantha Appleton)

****

First Lady Michelle Obama greets, from left, John Legend, Smokey Robinson, Berry Gordy, and Bob Santelli in the Old Family Dining Room of the White House before the Motown Music Series student workshop, Feb. 24, 2011 (Photo by Samantha Appleton)

President Obama talks with Vice President Joe Biden in the Oval Office, Feb. 24, 2011 (Photo by Pete Souza)

Stevie Wonder receives a standing ovation during “The Motown Sound: In Performance at the White House,” a concert celebrating Black History Month and the legacy of Motown Records, in the East Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2011 (Photo by Pete Souza)

Vice President Joe Biden, joined by daughter Ashley Biden, left, wife Dr. Jill Biden, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, react to a joke made by performing artist Jamie Foxx during “The Motown Sound: In Performance at the White House” in the East Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2011 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

President Obama talks with White House Residence staff in the Butlers Pantry before addressing the National Governors Association in the State Dining Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2014 (Photo by Pete Souza)

First Lady Michelle Obama announces the Best Picture Oscar to Argo live from the Diplomatic Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

On This Day: First Lady Michelle Obama greets students from Orchard Gardens in Boston, Mass., after the students performed at a luncheon for National Governors Association spouses, in the Map Room of the White House, Feb. 24, 2014 (Photo by Amanda Lucidon)

****

MoooOOOooorning!