[waiting for Uber]
[Matthew Mcconaughey rolls up in Lincoln]
Oh dear God no
—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 14, 2015[job interview]
ME: Is there anything I can do to *squeezes boobs together* improve my chances?
INTERVIEWER: Yes, you can let go of my boobs
—
Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) July 12, 2015****
*making the new intern feel comfortable voice* Tell us a little about yourself, Greg. Tell us a sexy secret.
—
viney (@vineyille) May 27, 2015Everyone at this funeral is mad because my entire speech was pointing at the casket and saying "Goals"
—
Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) July 05, 2015****
Police Sketch Artist: Quit wasting my time. [screws up drawing & tosses it in the bin]
[later that week]....
6ft cock & balls robs a bank.
—
paul (@FrenulumBreve) July 16, 2015LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have
WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit
—
Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) July 16, 2015****
WIFE: *notices lipstick on my collar* have you been kissing another woman?
ME: uhh
MY DOG: *with bright pink lips* go on. tell her
—
Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) July 14, 2015BOY SCOUT: need help across?
OLD LADY: no thanks
BS: *dragging her across the street* IM EARNING THIS BADGE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT GRAMS
—
Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) July 13, 2015****
*Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall of his family home*
"OH YEAAAH- OH NOOOOOOOOOO"
*his wife is in straddling a Capri Sun in their bed*
—
Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) July 08, 2014[unassertive guy calls 911]
"What's your emergency?"
Umm I'm being murdered but it's not a huge deal I can wait if you're busy
—
Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) June 27, 2015****
that moment when you don't realize a privately owned business is the opposite of communism http://t.co/Imnpi2RvXD
—
Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) June 22, 2015If you don't want me to use your baby as a bowling ball then stop telling me how much he weighs.
—
ibid (@ibid78) June 12, 2015
The Obama Diary 
Never get into a Lincoln with Matt McConaghuey.
There’s an email in your inbox LL
“What’s your emergency?”
“Umm I’m being murdered but it’s not a huge deal I can wait if you’re busy…”
Wife just said that sounds like me! Hahaha!
(Cr*p I’m not that bad……..am I?)
waiting for Uber]
[Matthew Mcconaughey rolls up in Lincoln]
Oh dear God no
That would NOT be my reaction if Matthew McConaughey rolled up! Mine would be “thank you God”!
LOL.
The tweet references those very weird McConaughey Lincoln ads. So, I don’t know GGail, but if Lincoln McConaughey rolled up, I too might be inclined to look up to the sky and yell, Oh, dear God no. 😀
But, NW, I kinda like those Lincoln commercials 😀 I actually stop and listen when they come on (I love the sound of his voice)
I know there’s a joke in there somewhere for you – go ahead, let me have it 😀 😀 😀
I’m with you. I’d get in the car…make him talk all night:)
Yup!
🙂 That a girl:)
😎
So sad… http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2015/09/13/nba-legend-moses-malone-passes-away.html
Condolences to his family and friends.
The Chairman of the Boards.
Yup. Too young
That’s the second big man of the B-Ball world that we’ve lost recently.
And both of them came straight out of hight school.
He was supposed to play in a golf tournament with friends of mine this am. He didn’t show up for breakfast so they knew something was wrong. Their concert this evening will be dedicated to his memory.
Oh my goodness. Sorry to hear this.
Hope this leaves a mark.
Very powerful, df. TY!!!
And, let’s try to make that mark indelible ….
Thanks,Bobfr!!
great ad
My gals.
also. too. Go fedex 1-1.
🙂
Good Monday morning amk 🙂
morning, Bob.
Jeff Tarango Former professional tennis player on BBC Radio 5 live
“That was a big emotional recovery, because at 15-30 down that could have gotten ugly fast for Federer. But he just stood there and Swissly recovered.”
and you all think my jokes stink.
jeez, the ny crowd hates joker. come on, he is a great player too.
It’s gonna be another heart-breaker. On a monday morning too. sheez.
joker is too good. leads 2-1. #bummer
fedex is losing it. too many unforced errors. jut like serena.
First tweet’s the best – off to look at the rest! 🙂
🙂
Hysterical.
I sure need a laugh – love Nerdy’s tweets – but this one is the icing
100 bucks. no, I don’t do austraylian.
You sound like our PM – he prefers British/US also too.
joker about to win. fedex had 52 unforced errors so far. sigh.
not over yet. fedex fights back to 4-5.
Break him now, fedex. your last chance.
he doesn’t.
joker wins his no. 10 grand slam. fedex’s unforced errors must be close to 60. you can’t that way.
well done, joker. despite the hostile crowd.
Am happy happy fedex lost. Couldn’t stand the hostility of the crowd towards Djokovic
nope, I am not happy fedex lost but happy a better man on the day won.
You might be interested in this analysis by Nate Silver of the performances of both. http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/djokovic-and-federer-are-vying-to-be-the-greatest-of-all-time/
oh, joker has miles to go before he can lay the claim to the greatest. I mean he just hit the double figures fergawdsake. and age is not his ally.
age is his ally.
needed the laughs – hoping for a great week for one and all
And we wish you the same, Linda!
.
The Seahawks lost today.Boo hoo. Darn!
Anyone know what was talked about on the political shows today?
I didn’t see much, but what I did see looked like an all-Republican line-up. So I passed.
Darn! I just posted a cute Rosh Hashanah New Year thingy (I was inspired by PBO’s message above) and I accidentally clicked before I finished typing my name; so now I’m in moderation. Are any BTs awake at the moment? Sorry! I have tired fingers from working all day 🙂
Hoot Hoot – Some of the Lib Party Ministers looking to get rid of Abbott – hope they are successful
So we have a new PM – HAS to be better than Abbott – and Joan Baez is on our TV singing the praises of PBO – while a RWNJ reporter is doing the opposite.
She also noted that at least we don’t have Donald Trump to contend with.
Yup, the mad monk is out. 44-54. Hope the new dood is bettah.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-34245005
He sure can’t be worse – small l liberal – believes in climate change & supports same sex marriage – but had to stop talking about same to get enough support to down Abbott
ooo
Who is Malcolm Turnbull?
Served as Minister for Communications under Mr Abbott, before resigning to launch a leadership challenge
Many in his party dislike his support for climate change action and gay marriage
Led the Liberal Party in opposition from 2008-2009 – but lost a leadership challenge to Mr Abbott by one vote
Previously worked as a successful lawyer and businessman – defending former British spy Peter Wright in the “Spycatcher” case in the 1980s
99ts, please comment when you have a chance!
This fucking guy, isn’t this the guy that tries to break President Obama’s balls?
aussie dumbya.
I have no idea Don – never heard it – He was the liberal leader some years ago – got beaten by Abbott in a similar situation to now. He has to be better than Abbott – and he is NOT stupid. Also has quite a sense of humor – which is a blessing as neither Abbott nor Rudd had any idea as to humor.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
250K a year pension??? wtf ??? damn, I knew I should have run.
And I would have voted for you.
danke don. and nope, you won’t be seeing a austraylian sou of that pension.
I have no idea what you just wrote, but ok.
We are supporting at least 5 ex PMs – a couple died recently so not sure of the numbers – not only a massive pension but all sorts of extras – office, staff, free travel. He will be entitled to a fairly hefty pension – even if he doesn’t get the trappings & the full $250k – been a politician most of his life – after he decided to give up on becoming a priest.
Good Monday morning, TOD!
Mr Turnbull is known as a competent minister and confident communicator well-liked across the political divide, polls have shown.
The Liberal Party is conservative, but the communications minister is known for his progressive left-of-centre views, notably his support for climate change action and gay marriage.
Those views are unpopular among the more right-wing members of the party, and some are unconvinced that Mr Turnbull will stick to core party policies.
The question of internal support has become more crucial in recent months. Amid plummeting support for Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Mr Turnbull has been touted as a strong contender to replace him.
Polls conducted by research company Ipsos Australia, including the latest done in August 2015, have consistently found he is the most preferred person to be the Liberal leader and prime minister, over Mr Abbott and Foreign Minister Julie Bishop.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-31087843
also. too.
Dr Sally Young, associate professor of politics at the University of Melbourne, says Mr Turnbull is “more of his own man”, describing him as “less intimidated” by powerful media baron Rupert Murdoch.
Which means – he doesn’t leak self serving lies to the media – not to mention chatting on talk radio to the old folks. He also isn’t fear mongering to stay in power – giving out positive vibes. He just might give the party a second term cause the opposition (labor – left wing) have a fairly useless leader.
I hope he is better than the last clown. All the best. You may or may not need it.
He is better than Abbott – which may not be such a good thing as his party may well now get re-elected. They had no chance with Abbott running the show. I never understood how Abbott got him out in the first place – although he was not very good as Opposition Leader. Julie Bishop is a survivor – she seems to be always on the winning team.
Morning!
http://theobamadiary.com/2015/09/14/early-bird-rise-and-shine-100/