End This Work Day With Laughter

Behind every great man is me rolling my eyes and doing the jerkoff motion.

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  (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 24, 2015

Breaking: Racists outraged at Obama's use of the N-word. "That was OUR word for making fun of HIM" one gun-toting redneck was quoted.

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  (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 22, 2015

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"Southern Pride" sounds like a group of asshole lions who fly a flag with Scar on it but say it's not because they hated Mufasa.

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  (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 19, 2015

Defending the confederate flag because it's part of history is like defending cancer because it's part of life.

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  (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 20, 2015

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cop: [making list of animals that escaped] zookeeper: "the tigers should be your top priority" cop: [scribbling out ducks] "obviously"

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k e e t (@KeetPotato) June 17, 2015

Whenever you girls go to the bathroom together, us guys huddle up and smooch before you get back. It's our biggest secret

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Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 21, 2014

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"What should we call this thing in the ocean that is land?" How about island? "Seems too obvious" What if we pronounced it weird "Perfect"

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Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) August 27, 2014

[Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!

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Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) February 09, 2015

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[dark alley] him: hey man you got the stuff? me: what? him: the coke? me: dude i can't see shit

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very handsome keith (@ghostkrogh) April 23, 2015

Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife

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ibid (@ibid78) December 23, 2014

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CHEDDAR: I'm the best SWISS: No way, so pedestrian BLUE: You're bland GOUDA: You stink COTTAGE: [out on a pontoon boat getting drunk]

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A-tron (@Abusitron) June 22, 2015

"Sir this car runs on dirty talk. Why not give it a go" "um...how bout them vaginas" [car drives off at like 3mph]

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Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 24, 2015

A Tweet or Two

#Republicans are obsessed with the word "legacy" in relation to @POTUS. They should be because it is a great one! http://t.co/JRUkajOThX

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Dr. David Romei (@DavidRomeiPHD) July 06, 2015

This, by @NormOrnstein is an absolute must read. Journalism and all that >> The real story of Obamacare's birth: theatlantic.com/politics/archi…

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RunBidenRun (@theonlyadult) July 06, 2015

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It is 00:24 a.m. in Vienna. The work is going on /В Вене 00:24. Работа идёт @JohnKerry @LaurentFabius @GermanyDiplo http://t.co/8LmcIkLHEN

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MFA Russia (@mfa_russia) July 06, 2015

Exclusive Breaking: #IranTalksVienna made some progress, some outstanding issues remain, discussions very serious.

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Mehdi Sayyari (@mehdisayyari) July 06, 2015

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Do we know of similar diplomatic process with such intensity and level these years?! #irantalks http://t.co/tdlgNY0kKl

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  (@Hannahkaviani) July 06, 2015

@JohnKerry once sealed, will be historic with your hard painstaking efforts acknowledged in history

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Zayd Alisa (@ZAYDALISA) July 06, 2015

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Drug pardons: Reagan: 18 in 8 yrs George W. Bush: 11 in 8 yrs Barack Obama: 30 in 8 months bit.ly/1HIH8fM http://t.co/eEGZfr5TtJ

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ATTN: (@attndotcom) July 06, 2015

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South Carolina Lawmakers Voted to Remove the Confederate Flag from the State House Grounds bit.ly/1H7axLU http://t.co/c0bQDU74Kw

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  (@VICE) July 06, 2015

South Carolina lawmaker manages to work same-sex marriage rant into Confederate flag debate: nym.ag/1J1cxqh http://t.co/tGICPw6nzx

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New York Magazine (@NYMag) July 06, 2015

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It was after McCain chose Palin as his running mate that crowds began chanting things like "Kill him!" & "He's a terrorist" re: Obama

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Bree Newsome (@BreeNewsome) July 06, 2015

But b/c racism is 3rd rail of politics, folks afraid to acknowledge that we are seeing white supremacist reaction to 1st black president

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Bree Newsome (@BreeNewsome) July 06, 2015

White supremacists clearly perceive non-whites as "taking over the country" and needing to be stopped. This is the toxic ideology in USA

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Bree Newsome (@BreeNewsome) July 06, 2015

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Our count as of this afternoon http://t.co/LFb1ZAdLae

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The Counted (@thecounted) July 06, 2015

Six days into July, here is the tally for the month. Learn more: theguardian.com/thecounted http://t.co/elF94tN3ZZ

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The Counted (@thecounted) July 06, 2015

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Joe Biden has also noticed that no one in the race is seeking the Obama coalition's support. twitter.com/WashTimes/stat…

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Allan Brauer (@allanbrauer) July 02, 2015

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Bernie Sanders position AGAINST sensible gun control is really problematic cnn.it/1H0rZ4B @BernieSanders

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Timothy McBride (@mcbridetd) July 06, 2015

@Only4RM @FoL2009 So he'll take on Wall St., but not gun manufacturers.... Got it!

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Pinkbunny (@pinkbunny70) July 06, 2015

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Every time Bernie says "oligarchs", an AR15 is sold w/o a background check... or an angel gets it wings. Can't recall which. #BerningBridges

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  (@Only4RM) July 06, 2015

Big Banks: Bad Big Gun Manufacturers: "Well, actually." See what I did there?

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Gus (@Gus_802) July 06, 2015

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Confederate Statue Vandalized At UNC-Chapel Hill: 'Black Lives Matter' talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/unive… via @TPM

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Propane Jane (@docrocktex26) July 06, 2015

It should read "beautified" not "vandalized" twitter.com/docrocktex26/s…

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#KaliefBrowder (@SirLordHeem) July 06, 2015

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Busted. Donald Trump deleted this tweet attacking Jeb Bush over his Mexican wife: http://t.co/nD95099uGQ

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Angelo Carusone (@GoAngelo) July 06, 2015

Is Jeb Bush Really Going to Let Donald Trump Go Full Racist On His Mexican Wife? thedailybanter.com/2015/07/is-jeb… @JebBush @RealDonaldTrump #p2 #tcot

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Tommy Christopher (@tommyxtopher) July 06, 2015

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Oh, you're upset b/c Trump said bigoted things about Jeb's wife? But you didn't care when he said same abt Obama? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Liberal Librarian (@Lib_Librarian) July 06, 2015

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No one "seeks" sex with women by drugging them. They seek rape. twitter.com/AP/status/6181…

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Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) July 06, 2015

Rape. Women he wanted to rape. Stop with this passive language. twitter.com/time/status/61…

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Janelle MoBae (@SorahyaM) July 06, 2015

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What the hell is with these headlines, "BillCosby got drugs to give women for sex"? Like saying someone got a gun to lighten your wallet.

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Bruce P. Knight (@brucepknight) July 06, 2015

When you drug someone for sex, you're raping them. Do better, media.

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Allan Brauer (@allanbrauer) July 06, 2015

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Greeks Just Voted Against Austerity. Here’s Why They’re Right. thkpr.gs/3677132 via @thinkprogress

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Corinne Marasco (@CorinneAM) July 06, 2015

Krugman: "We have just witnessed Greece stand up to a truly vile campaign of intimidation" krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/07/05/eur… http://t.co/Xcu1zXqTef

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TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) July 06, 2015

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Venus. Serena. http://t.co/p0vCoCzhZV

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deray mckesson (@deray) July 06, 2015

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FIFA will pay US women's championship team 4 times less than men's team that lost in 1st round thkpr.gs/3677105 http://t.co/snoSdo4ebW

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ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) July 06, 2015

Just heard @POTUS call Coach Ellis & the terrific #USWNT @ussoccer_wnt to invite them to the @WhiteHouse to celebrate!

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Valerie Jarrett (@vj44) July 06, 2015

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Epic

What's more epic than Carli Lloyd's half-field wonderstrike? Carli Lloyd's half-field wonderstrike IN SPANISH. http://t.co/PdQog7R9N6

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Zack Goldman (@ThatDamnYank) July 06, 2015

The President Delivers a Statement on ISIS

3:55 EDT: The President delivers a statement after receiving an update on ISIS, The Pentagon

Chat On

This health care letter hangs just outside the Oval Office. Find out why it inspires @POTUS → go.wh.gov/ACALetter http://t.co/s5Oxv7Qk6s

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) July 06, 2015

Chat Away

Vice President Joe Biden, Dr Jill Biden, Sasha Obama and members of the Biden family pose on the pitch with Mia Hamm after the U.S. team’s 5-2 victory against Japan in the World Cup Final.

Early Bird Rise and Shine

On This Day: The First Family arrive in Moscow, July 6, 2009

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Today

2:20 EDT: The President receives an update on ISIS, The Pentagon

3:55 EDT: Delivers a statement

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What a win for Team USA! Great game @CarliLloyd! Your country is so proud of all of you. Come visit the White House with the World Cup soon.

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President Obama (@POTUS) July 06, 2015

Thank you Mr. President! See you very soon at the White House!! twitter.com/potus/status/6…

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Carli Lloyd (@CarliLloyd) July 06, 2015

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On This Day: The First Family arrive in the Kremlin, Moscow, July 6, 2009

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MoooOOOooorning!