If you’ve ever seen one episode or half an episode or a few seconds of Dora The Explorer, you’re laughing your butt off right now. You’re welcome
DORA: "What was YOUR favorite part?!"
ME:
DORA:
ME:
DORA: "I like that part too."
—
ceeks (@70Ceeks) May 03, 2015
ME: any advice
DAD: its ok to embellish a little
[later at job interview]
INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself
M: i wrote harry potter
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very nice kyle (@hippieswordfish) June 08, 2015
****
"Come back to the table we were having such a nice time"
"No, Tim doesn't think I can do the splits and he's about to look like a real ass"
—
THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) June 11, 2015
MUSICIAN: HOW YALL FEELING TONIGHT?
CROWD: YEAAAA
CROWD: WAHHHH
CROWD: YAHOOO
me: pretty good
CROWD: AHHHHHH
CROWD: GAAHAAH
CROWD: HAUUJJJH
—
shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) May 30, 2015
****
therapist: you separated a week ago and won't go back until he learns to do laundry
wife: yes
me in what I wore for halloween: come home
—
brent (@murrman5) June 10, 2015
[sees gf's 9yo son playing basketball in driveway as I pull up] hey big guy *grabs ball and travels before missing jump shot* your mom home?
—
brent (@murrman5) June 11, 2015
****
The love that some twitterers have for Vice President Biden is awesome
Straight outta DC
Crazy motherfucker named B-dude
From a band called
VP’s with attitude http://t.co/2SEeyy78Mt
—
Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 19, 2015
“Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for joining me here today. The kids call this ‘ghost riding the whip’.” http://t.co/SyEjpPHthB
—
Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 19, 2015
****
[waiting for date to get ready]
"im almost done"
no rush I'll just play with the cat
"I don't have a cat"
[opening a cat carrier] oh I know
—
brent (@murrman5) June 08, 2015
[roommate watching me get ready]
dont take that with you
"why not"
why would you
"it'll be fine"
[hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
—
brent (@murrman5) June 06, 2015
****
[waiting with friend for his test results]
"I'm nervous"
I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*
—
brent (@murrman5) June 05, 2015
Not too sure about this new campaign logo, but they probably know best. http://t.co/wkduUDYbyx
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Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 16, 2015
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