Apologies if you've already seen a raccoon riding an alligator today. (Photo: Richard Jones) m.wftv.com/news/news/loca… http://t.co/4m4YuJDMps
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Meredith Frost (@MeredithFrost) June 14, 2015
Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Snitches get stitches, it's time you heard.
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Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 14, 2015
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whoa buddy I'm just here for some ice cream http://t.co/E0ijQiv7va
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chem (@beardofprey) March 09, 2014
Sex is a lot like the movie Poltergeist. The TV is on, stuff is flying around, a clown is strangling you.
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pat tobin (@tastefactory) June 01, 2015
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i just yelled "hail satan" across the office. Everyone gasped, except for Debra. Debra slowly raised the horns.
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TwıtterversalSoldier (@Jonny_Wags) April 25, 2012
"I'll be on Larry King tonight." - a diaper
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aaron blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) June 04, 2015
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Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend.
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Mike Bianchi (@Mike_Bianchi) May 23, 2015
*puts out arm*
*falcon lands on it, perfectly*
"I want everyone to know: I trained this bird."
*mouths to falcon: who the fuck are you?*
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Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 21, 2014
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