If you say "cash money" around me,
Don't act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts"
See how stupid that sounds?
—
Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) July 03, 2013I don't understand why people want a sandwich after sex. I just want my money back.
—
The Cisco Kid (@TheCiscoKidder) September 13, 2012****
When you take too much acid and have sex http://t.co/Vqcm7JFRdi
—
PaperWash© (@PaperWash) March 03, 2015Me: I love these lazy Sundays.
Boss: It's Tuesday. Get off my couch and out of my office. And for Christ's sake, put some clothes on!
—
Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 30, 2014****
"Mr. Potter, you're now qualified to be a magical custodian." - Harry Potter And The Order Of The University Of Phoenix
—
Tony (@Tmoney68) May 06, 2013Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of-
*puts hand over phone*
-what was it again?
Daughter: Boogeritis.
*to phone*
It's Boogeritis.
—
Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 30, 2014****
If I'm spending $45 on this haunted house, I better actually get murdered.
—
Jack Handy (@HandyJack420) October 29, 2013"Welcome to Exclamation Mark Overusers Anonymous!"
'Hello!! I'm Mark and I have a problem!!!!!!!"
[whole group] "Hi Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
—
Ollie (@ojedge) February 22, 2015****
[hospital]
Mom: Our son's coma -
Dad: I know, it's time
Mom: Will you do it?
Dad: Yes
*draws dick on son's face*
Mom: *whispers* OWNED
—
Terry F (@daemonic3) May 28, 2014I asked my masseur for a happy ending.
He made me a balloon animal and painted my face like Spiderman.
—
Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) May 14, 2014****
If you speak like Fat Albert throughout the entire exam, doctors will prescribe whatever you want.
—
Oblivia (@aveuaskew) September 03, 2014I mashed 6.022×10²³ avocados to make this guac a mole
—
Terry F (@daemonic3) January 16, 2015****
"Fuck it, I'll just make up my own words that rhyme"
-Dr Seuss and Anthony Kiedis
—
Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) August 14, 2014Nothing beats the wrath of a mother protecting her children, bottle that shit up and sell it to the military
—
Jackman...Forever (@TheAlexP) March 07, 2013
The Obama Diary 
You & Me
furst.
Nope, not this time dood 🙂
wimminz/smh
#dealwithus
Hot damn, I made it! It took me two minutes to scroll from the bottom of that last Post, load, this one, make my comment and BAM! 😀 😀
Thank you NW, as Ice Cube says “today was a good day” 🙂
Gail just dropped ICE CUBE!!!!!
Ma’am? You win the cool points of the day. 🙂
😀 😀 😀
Uh oh, I saw me in a couple of those tweets. And no, I’m not saying which ones 😀
Okay. Let’s play the game.
Hmmmm…..is this you? 🙂
Let’s just say…I had a flashback 😯
Wooot! Woooot! Wild lady! 🙂
OOOOOOOOOOOOh! Yes, I watched it all the way through to see what the end was gonna be 😀
LOL. That’s the spirit. That’s how you get into the Regular Show groove. 🙂
Thank you NW, you expose us to something new and keep us “fresh” 🙂
guac a mole?! ***
Hey! (knock, knock) is this mic on????
Day 1 of my overseas posting has ended. And I celebrated St. Paddy’s day with tacos. Because California, y’all.
Where have you travelled, LL? I missed this itinerary.
I worry about our president… A resin letter and some white supremacist was plotting to kill Obama.
😦
What the moron doesn’t realize is that President Obama isn’t the first point of contact with letters addressed to the White House and as with the last person who was caught and prosecuted, this jerk will also go the same route.
I’m still awake because I’m watching The Voice and I’m sitting here at my laptop.
I hope I don’t fall asleep here at my desk…
In keeping with the St. Paddy’s day mood, this tweet from @VP cracked me up (from the previous thread’s front page) — I had no idea what “eggs eire” were, but I see that it’s Eggs Benedict with salmon instead of ham and toast instead of an “English muffin” (since we know that the Irish don’t have the time of day for the English, LOL) and hold the spinach too.
The restaurant we have around here called HOME makes them with salmon too. Delicious!
Nerdy!
Just having dinner and watching my DVR of last night’s Jimmy Kimmel. I don’t always watch it, but Kevin Hart was on. Turns out the show is in Austin this week. The UT Austin Cheerleaders came out and I thought of TOD’s UT Austin Liberal! I haven’t watched the whole show; I ran in to post this as soon as I saw the beginning! 🙂
So SXSW is in town, huh? Is it a pain in the butt or is it cool to have all those people in town?
Awesome!
It’s a combination of both just as it is with any city that holds a very popular combined music, film, culture, technology, and arts festival. 🙂
🙂
Do people really believe that Israel is a democracy? I sure as hell don’t.
srilankans are screwed.
If anyone new to the blog ever tried to figure out some of your one-liners, they’d be screwed. Keep ’em guessing!
proteas.
Oh cricket. (Call me, new people.)
I am the Goddess of Exclamation Mark Overusers Anonymous! I sometimes try to control myself!!!
The tweets for the day were fabulous in the last thread. Thank you so much 🙂
You’re welcome.
Hi JoB – you are becoming a late late night owl 🙂
I gather Schock found out there could be consequences if he stayed in congress. Now he is going to repay the money & it will all go away. If someone else steals from their employer – they are charged – regardless of whether the theft is repaid. He should be charged. Maybe if AG Holder started investigating, the senate might find time to confirm a new AG?
Hi – I’m generally online late, and I am definitely a night owl!
Some folks are thinking there must have been more to Schock’s unraveling story that was about to hit the fan! Can’t wait until he’s gone.
I keep thinking of Blagojevich rotting in a prison cell for just thinking about doing something corrupt. Meanwhile, GOP after GOP gets away with murder – with no consequences. It’s making me pull my hair out!
Indeed.
How true is that theo Blagojevich surely didn’t deserve what he got
Yes, it’s annoying beyond belief!
I have a small issue….the phrase…”cash money” is an old one with rural origins that means money actually in your hands right now not what you hope to get when you sell your crops or that lame mule. Just sharing….
I’m inclined to agree with you on that way. I kind of went uhhhh when I read the tweet. 🙂
Cool. Thanks!
> NEVER BE LATE
>
> A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited: Thank Goodness we Catholics, have a wonderful sense of humor! “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife; had sex with his boss’s 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
> Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: “I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
>
> Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late
Ha!
LMAO! Some days I do wish our priests would break the seal of confession like that except not for a sinner like me!
ETA: Good thing I am always on time.
srilankans are so screwed. 82/4.
good night TOD ….
Morning!
http://theobamadiary.com/2015/03/18/early-bird-rise-and-shine-27/