frogs are bullshit. theyre just fucked up fish. i dont believe in frogs
zookeeper: sir no ones asking you to believe just put the gun down
—
eric (@dubstep4dads) January 12, 2015
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
—
audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
****
My dad ends all of his texts with "Dad" http://t.co/HcwpfSaohB
—
Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) January 20, 2015
could the vegetables youre eating actually be BAD for you? find out here, with my 10 shocking facts about vegetables! http://t.co/lOFrANneTD
—
eric (@dubstep4dads) January 10, 2015
****
I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.
—
Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 15, 2015
B is obviously the sexiest letter. Here's an impression of the letter O getting turned on seeing the letter B:
Q
—
shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) January 10, 2015
****
My supervisor just said "Supposably" so I guess I'm in charge now.
—
(@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 08, 2015
God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
—
Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) July 20, 2014
****
"In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
—
Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 15, 2011
I am truly a monster for laughing at this and I accept that. http://t.co/c7BGw388E3
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(@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 22, 2015
****
[holding crying baby]
Um how do you put it on vibrate?
—
Jazmasta (@jazmasta) January 15, 2015
[nicki minaj concert]
nicki: i bees in the trap, bees bees in the trap
bee in the crowd: wow rap music is awesome these days lol
—
eric (@dubstep4dads) January 22, 2015
****
[wiz khalifa concert]
wiz: black and yellow black and yellow
bee in the crowd: oh hell yeah
—
eric (@dubstep4dads) January 20, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: TOM BRADY CAUGHT IN SEX SCANDAL WITH NEW GIRLFRIEND http://t.co/JnhJhDbiGM
—
Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) January 23, 2015
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