*gives up seat on bus for an old lady*
*whispers in her ear*
"This isn't over"
—
Jazmasta (@jazmasta) July 02, 2014"Dad, why is the ocean blue but water is clear?"
[Crouches down & pats his head]
Probably because your mom cheated on it too
—
Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) December 07, 2014****
"can you at least tell me what i did wrong?"
your résumé..
"is there something wrong with it?"
under weaknesses you just put ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
—
k e e t (@KeetPotato) December 07, 2014*everybody gasps as I drop the baby*
Oh no was it expensive?
—
THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) December 07, 2014****
*walks in
*wife is murdered
*looks at mirror
(Written in blood)
YOUR NEXT
"My next what?
*from the closet
"Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
—
born to lame (@borntolame) November 01, 2014*panics during bank robbery*
"Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"
—
♡ Brian Essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) November 18, 2014****
[wife goes back to sleep, husband quickly dials Jake from State Farm again]
Hey, Jake. She's asleep. Tell me what you'll do with my balls
—
(@Ristolable) December 06, 2014@Ristolable Jake's reply: Just say - "like a good neighbor State Farm is there and I'll be right over." 😜
—
Joke Writers (@jokewriters) December 06, 2014
****
*walks into university & grabs intercom*
"IT'S ALL LIES. THAT ENGLISH DEGREE IS USELESS"
*fighting noises*
"YOU'RE GOING TO WORK FOR TARGET"
—
Carly Kenyon (@carlyken) December 09, 2014[on electric chair]
"Any last words?"
*drops dice out of cup*
*whispers* yahtzee
—
Mitchell (@seeczar) December 07, 2014****
1964:"Remember kids," a youth basketball coach says, "there's no "i" in team."
"Not yet," whispers 5th grade Steve Jobs, "... not yet."
—
albirthday (@BromanConsul) May 23, 2013"Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic"
"Hi Steve, but this is a group for compulsive liars"
"I also have an enormous penis"
—
Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) July 11, 2014****
If there isn't a dentist's office called "Bad Breath & Beyond", then I have dibs on that name and I'm becoming a dentist right now
—
karatepus (@sploosk) December 16, 2014"As for weather on the east coast-"
*Don draws a dick on the map*
The anchors laugh. Don is fired.
In 36 hours a dickstorm levels Baltimore
—
albirthday (@BromanConsul) August 26, 2013****
[in Walmart]
"Excuse me, do you have towels?"
"Oh, I don't work here."
[leans in close]
"I don't give a shit where you work."
—
David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 08, 2014[baby takes its first steps]
me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.
—
(@Thynebear) December 18, 2014****
[Last Supper]
"Hey, Judas. Guess what."
-What, Jesus.
"Y'know how the bread we're eating is my body? The piece I gave you is my balls."
—
Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) October 23, 2014These will go great with the tasty ass peanut butter. http://t.co/d2oBIZoOKY
—
brandon from school (@peeznuts) December 18, 2014
The Obama Diary 
PBO made me laugh out loud so many times today.
Thank you NW!!!
While awaiting #WordPress to get over itself ….
Public Health Warning
“Y’know how the bread we’re eating is my body? The piece I gave you is my ….” Oh, NW, you truly need to post a warning that food & beverages must be put aside before reading any of these tweets 😀 😀
I aim to please. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Congratulations on first, Sir Bob.
You are ridiculously successful at pleasing, NW – from your exceptional skill of ‘live tweeting’ speeches, pressers, etc., to your totally twisted sense of humor (that’s a major compliment, btw)!!! 🙂
“to your totally twisted sense of humor” – I LOVE THAT COMMENT because it is 100% true.
Having a bland sense of humor is B-O-R-I-N-G.
Thanks, Sir Bob for the wonderful compliment. 🙂
You earned it, for real!! 🙂
Being a guy myself I don’t know why but I am proud of my president.
Really?
Ah, now I seez the snow.
I can’t.see.the snow on my phone. 😦
Now it stopped for me too.
I am sure bt & ut are screwing with us.
LOL.
And looking at all that – why does anyone vote for the fools???
Now, that STICKS!!!!!
The UN General Assembly has passed a resolution asking Israel to pay Lebanon more than $850m (£544m) for a major oil spill during Israel’s 2006 war with Hezbollah.
The UN has asked Israel to compensate Lebanon before but this is the first time a figure has been given.
The assembly voted overwhelmingly in favour by 170 votes to six, but its resolutions are not legally binding.
Israel is yet to react to the UN resolution.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-30559670
Bibi’s Israel is, as they say, circling the drain, and other than for a few US #NEOCONSTERS, they have zero allies …
so true
zero allies is correct. The israelis need to wake the fuck up before it’s too late.
This is a BFD ….
h/t amk
Thx Bob.
I hadn’t seen that article and am grateful to you for bringing it to our attention, amk. We are witnessing CHANGE on an historical scale, thanks to President Obama’s leadership. Hope & Change mean much when you’re willing to risk all to make them real.
This has me bowled over — would never expect China state-run newspapers to lavish such effusive praise on an American President.
“The China Daily says that Mr Obama has ‘displayed praiseworthy statesmanship’ by ‘turning a game of no winner into one where everyone wins.'”
Did President Obama perform a Vulcan mind trick on Xi Jinping?
It really is a big deal, Arapaho. Never thought I’d live to see the day that such an article would appear and you betcha the Chinese Leadership approved of every word of it.
You know from their last couple of encounters, from they way they interact with each other. I’ve had the sense that China’s president greatly admires and respects our PBO. This is a very good thing indeed.
Fully agree with you, Dudette!
Point, set, & match!
^5 sailor!
Roger that………..GN!
Troubled smartphone maker Blackberry has reported a larger-than-expected drop in revenue during the third quarter.
Revenue fell to $793m (£507m) from $1.19bn a year earlier, missing analyst expectations.
Chief executive John Chen said the revenue figure was “not satisfying”.
However, he added that he thought Blackberry might be able to stabilise and grow its revenues by 2016, but that he could not promise profitability.
/
A former titan, Blackberry once had a 50% share of the smartphone market in the US, but one estimate now puts its share at only 0.5%.
http://www.bbc.com/news/business-30554739
I never bought into the blackberry/apple hype.
Me neither amk I goe with which phone has the best features. I’ve owned Samsung phones and prefer their apps.
I have gone past samsungs too. We get excellent ‘indian’ mobiles (aka made in china by inidan cos) which match apples/samsungs at 1/4th price. Newer and better models are being released every month. Why get stuck with expensive ones when you can be buying newer ones once in 3 months? 🙂
Oh NW, bad English and dickstorms are sending me.to bed laughing!!
Yay! 🙂
Hiya Nerdy! Happy Friday! Thanks for the fun post. Roger Cohen is either straight up misogynist or just had the most lame joke. You gotta read his TL. OMG, the replies are so brutal. A couple of them:
Hahahahaha…fantastic replies to that moron.
bam, bam. If the mofo’s nose bleeding yet?
Fucking whiners, all of them.
Do the men want some cheese with their whine? What babies! Hit em hard on twitter girls:D
Right? Although it was awesome to see a whole lot of men going after him too.
So much for that yt male privilege and sense of entitlement bs…
I guess everyone is Christmas shopping.
So HRC and WJC have something in common with the Tundra Grifter (remember all the demands Palin made for her public appearances?):
There’s their all-for-one-and-one-for-all DEM spirit! Not.
I thought they were worth over $100 million. Couldn’t they have paid for their own travel?
Not when there’s money to be had, I guess. They are “The Clintons,” after all.
And, so, here y’all are! part-ay’in’!! Good on ya’! I pop past to say goodnight, sweet dreams all around, may the scent of frangipani and night blooming jasmine fill your dreams, and may the sound of the surf lapping on the shore promise you some fine body surfing in the morning!! 🙂 Thank you all for a most wonderful day! ❤ 🐻 😉 And as the TOD snow begins to gently fall, the stockings are hung, tho there is no chimney near!
g’nite MP – sweet dreams
Cannot believe the whinges from the WHPC men – Did ANY women ever whinge about the men getting all the questions? They really are looking for ANY reason to be negative.
this dude is getting thrashed on twitter, deservedly. Urge all of you to pour more gasoline on him as he self-immolates, on the record, for all eternity.
bbl …
just tweeted a-hole
these gop puppets are projecting. what a scum.
LOVE it, Jacqueline!!!!
Of course, that wasn’t a dig at ALL MEN, just this crybaby Cohen fruitcake!
I am watching TNT Christmas in Washington and The Rock is terrific did not know he could sing. Great entertainment too bad people without cable can’t see it. They showed AnnRandPaul’s sour puss briefly. The First family are just so wonderful, so glad they all can spend Xmas vacation in HI with no drama this year.
Thanks for the heads up.
“The special prosecutor will serve as an impartial special investigator with the power to indict, removing the perceived conflict of interest that a local district attorney might have when prosecuting a police officer,” Haywood (at lectern in photo) said today”
My State Senator!
Excellent!
Alright finally I’m at least on the current thread. Gave up trying to read all posts from the day. You guys are just too fast!
Another awesome day for our awesome President and by extention, the country! I’m so pumped. Hell, I need to hop a plane to Hawaii myself! 😀
Very chuckle worthy tweets Nerdy. Thanks for the bed time humour.
You’re welcome, Vetivera24.
Okay, I just gotta re-post. Cuz … you know, like Best.POTUS.Ever!
Where’s Count Knoller when you need him?
I want to see him tweet the following stats:
1) Number and/or percentage of pressers where only men were called on (make it easy, just do it by percentage) – All Presidents;
2) Same number for President Obama
Might also be nice to see a chart, starting from when women were included in the press corps to the present day.
Say what?
Haha! Great minds and all that… 😀
I don’t understand why the media think everything can/should have an immediate response.
*everything – should be ‘every situation’
Okay, the resume’ one and the dentist office name ones got me! 😀
Oh SNAP!
> An
> enlightening short read from The Canadian Minister of
> Defense who has a dead-on sense of humor.
>
>
> Adopt A
> Terrorist
>
>
>
> A
> Canadian female wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian
> government, complaining about the treatment of captive
> insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National
> Correctional System facilities. She demanded a
> response to her letter. She received back the
> following reply:
>
>
> National
> Defense Headquarters
>
> M Gen
> George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
>
> 101
> Colonel By Drive
>
> Ottawa
> , ON K1A 0K2
>
> Canada
>
>
> Dear Concerned
> Citizen,
>
>
> Thank you for
> your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
> treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by
> Canadian Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the
> Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by
> Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System
> facilities.
>
>
> Our
> administration takes these matters seriously and your
> opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will
> be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
> yourself, we are creating a new department here at the
> Department of National Defense, to be called ‘Liberals
> Accept Responsibility for Killers’ program, or L.A.R.K.
> For short.
>
>
> In accordance
> with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on
> a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them
> in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the
> country,under those
> citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been
> selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily
> armed guard to your residence in Toronto next
> Monday.
>
> Ali Mohammed
> Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for
> pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
> letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we
> will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
> standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with your
> recommendations.
>
>
> Although Ahmed
> is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
> sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal
> problem’ will help him overcome those character
> flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these
> problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that
> you plan to offer counselling and home schooling, however,
> we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant
> caretakers.
>
>
> Please advise
> any Jewish friends, neighbours or relatives about your house
> guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are
> sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at
> making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
> household products, so you may wish to keep those items
> locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend
> him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
> hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such
> simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise
> that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either
> in your home or wherever you choose to take him while
> helping him adjust to life in our country.
>
>
> Ahmed will not
> wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually,
> since he views females as a form of property, thereby having
> no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is
> a particularly sensitive subject for
> him.
>
> You also
> should know that he has shown violent tendencies around
> women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will
> recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will
> come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time.
> Just remember that it is all part of respecting his culture
> and religious beliefs’ as described in your
> letter.
>
> You take good
> care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a
> counsellor available to help you over any difficulties you
> encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian
> culture.
>
>
> Thanks again
> for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks
> like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job
> and care for our fellow man.
>
> Good luck and
> God bless you.
>
>
> Cordially,
>
> Gordon
> O’Connor
>
> Minister of
> National Defense
>
> M Gen George
> R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
>
> 101 Colonel By
> Drive
>
> Ottawa , ON
> K1A 0K2
>
> Canada
Lookin’ for Santa…..
I know a 3-y/o who will love that, when he wakes up. Hell, I love it. Ha. Thanks!
Aw!
If the same old pasty guyz are going to be called every time, then why are the other ‘journos’ in the pc room?
I wish PBO and Presssec will make this a routine from now on. The front row mofos can await their turn.
Probably there’s been some agreement with the WHPCA for decades. To me, it’s like all of the front-row mofos are sitting at the adult table, and everybody else is sitting at the kids’ table. Ridiculous.
screw the agreement. obama era is all about change. for the better.
the other journos should show some guts and should openly protest at these punks being given the opportunity every time.
Plus they make the whole damn profession look bad. WHPC is partly to blame for the millions of ill-informed citizens we have in this country right now. #ScrewTheAgreement
As POTUS said you shouldn’t keep doing something for decades and expecting different results. In the case of the WHPC, the results have reached a new low. Bravo to POTUS for mixing things up again!
traitorous bastids all.
That too.
They are much more than partly to blame Dudette – they preach the GOP policy, they print the GOP lies and they ask the GOP questions over and over and over. I blame the media more than the GOP for the dumbing down of the USA.
THIS!
Let the real journalists in the room ask questions instead of the stupid newstainer hacks! The American people deserved so much better than what we’ve been getting from the WHPC.
Nightly check-in and once again…. PBO does a BAM! POW!
Was just scrolling through the main page and saw the Tweet or Two tweets about PBO only calling on the women. Woohoo! Turnabout is fair play! And so mind blowing how the boy’s club lost their minds about it!
Now I’ll have to go back and listen to that press conference!!
Awesome tweet summation on that last thread (and funny ones on this one), as usual Nerdy.
By the way, re the last thread, regarding the idiots/a$$holes pictured in the Sean McElwee tweet: do they realize they are making the point of the protests with those shirts? Of course they feel safe and they can breathe; they don’t look like Eric Garner!
Anyway, I almost forgot: I finally got to witness the fabled TOD snow! I’ve been reading about it since last year and never clicked on when it was happening. Finally tonight, here it is! Yay!
Thanks, MadameSoph.
In need of a naughty mat!
2014: A milestone year for US economy. (a frigging indian perspective)
http://www.rediff.com/business/report/a-milestone-year-for-us-economy/20141219.htm
check out the pic.
The pic is wonderful. That’s that look babies get right before they fall in love.
If I were that close to him, I’d have the exact same expression on my face! 😀
“Good golly, you’re beautiful. Look at that skin. You definitely moisturize. And that smile. What kind of floss do you use? Ooooo, and you’re so kind and smart. I love you! Hold me tighter please!”
SS, pls note.
😀 😀 😀
I bet he smells nice too! 😀
tsk, tsk, tsk
Yay! This always gets me in the Christmas mood! Thanks Dudette!
🙂
whitey house press corpse
Sorry but to me that gif makes it looks like that guy is doing something totally different than what I think you intended. ;roll:
[Yes, go ahead and toss me the naughty mat. But it’s not my fault you posted that thing.
Isn’t it time for your bed?
Mom, Oh MOM.
🙄
sorry can’t resist. I think it’s sort of the same thing. They’re either holding a mike or . . . well u get where I’m going with this.
Goodnight, TODville!
Night job! Dream of sugar plums dancing or some such! 🙂
Indian-American Richard Rahul Verma has been sworn in as the United States ambassador to India by Secretary of State John Kerry.
Forty-six-year-old Verma is the first ever Indian-American to be the top US diplomat in New Delhi. He is scheduled to arrive in India ahead of Kerry’s visit to Delhi next month. US President Barack Obama will arrive in late January to attend the Republic Day Parade on January 26 as the chief guest.
He was confirmed by the US senate by a voice vote last week. Last week, he met Obama at the White House.
Verma, who quietly played an important role in the Congressional passage of civil nuclear deal with India, had advocated for strong Indo-US ties when in the administration and recently started “India 2020” project at Centre for American Progress — a top American-think tank.
http://www.rediff.com/news/report/indian-american-richard-verma-sworn-in-as-us-ambassador-to-india/20141220.htm
You all didn’t know that, did ya?
I did NOT know that, Sir! 🙂
Obama orders ban on Crimea trade
President Barack Obama orders a trade ban with Crimea, to show the US “will not accept Russia’s occupation” of the Ukrainian region.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-30558502
the obama boom is still landing
Remember this picture from a couple of threads ago?
I got curious and found Ms. Govashiri’s bio. Made me smile (and I bet some RWNJs go apoplectic, which is all the better).
She’s on Twitter:
Doh! Instead of the duplicate picture of the President with the gift, I was trying to post this link. [smacking my own head]
http://www.iawfoundation.org/community/ferial-govashiri/profile/
Dear JackieG,
I tweeted you the 12 months, so now you can see them on twitter either in my timeline or your own. Now you can join in the voting. 😀
—————————————-
TODobots, I really do think this is a good time to say ‘Au revoir’! Sweet dreams, or sweet running-around-town if that’s what you plan to do today.
Adieu mon ami! Doux rêves! 🙂
Merci beaucoup, ma petite soeur! A demain, or since it’s already ‘demain’, I’ll say ‘A plus tard!’ 😀
Mmmwah! 🙂
Mmmwah (right cheek)! Mmmwah (left cheek), right back at ya! Life’s good! 🙂 🙂
Here’s mine, vc.
Jan.-B, Feb.-A, Mar.-B, Apr.-E, May-C, June-A, July-A, Aug.-B, Sept.-B, Oct.-A, Nov.-C, Dec.-A
Hope I’m not too late.
You are not, thank you, Lynn.
Glad I made it, vc. BBL
Have as enjoyable a day as you can!
egg.sack.lee
Exceedingly good! So good the bad ones secretly want to BE you!
your friend bb is waiting for you.
Trying to get rid of me, eh? 🙂
Two great versions of the same song.
#1 https://twitter.com/Dudette9t9/status/546204566601990144
Okay, learned my lesson — put the tweet link on a separate line [oy]
Here’s #2
Love this, Dudette! Thank you!!!
You are most welcome Bob!
Bonus…
I watched the TNT “Christmas in Washington” presentation. Fantastic….. Wonderful set design and performing artists. And the finale with the President and first family very moving. Our nation is honored to have this POTUS and this family.
#TrustBarack
good night TOD
🙂 Good Night Bob! 🙂
Well amk, I leave the fort in your good hands. Try not to burn the place down. See ya! 🙂
Came back to share this in case anyone’s still here. According to this article AF1 is supposed to land in Honolulu around 11AM Hawaii time. That’s in less than 30 minutes!!! Don’t know if there’ll be live coverage, but you can check this news station’s website.
http://khon2.com/2014/12/12/first-family-to-arrive-friday-for-holiday-vacation/
Another Hawaii news station
http://www.kitv.com/news/kailua-ready-to-host-the-first-family/30326896
Okay, they’ve arrived. This article says the landing wasn’t open to the public and the President made no statement.
I guess there will be pictures later.
http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/27676391/first-family-arrives-in-islands-for-16-day-christmas-vacation
ha! just dropped in to share the news! tod reporters already at the scene! scooped! 🙂
See ya later!
Good morning everyone. Great coverage of our beloved PBO’s presser. Love, love, love the butthurt! Nerdy, your price is beyond rubies.
LL, wonderful story about your dad. Hopefully mother of LL will come around and enjoy the new relationship with Cuba.
Desertflower, I’ve got the same brainwon’tshutoff problem. Annoying as hell.
Lovelyplaines, sorry for the sad news about your cousin, but keeping fingers crossed for success on your radiology exam.
Wishing the best of the holiday season to one and all. The treasure chest that is TOD has been my salvation.
OK. Wood stoves are going, coffee is perking and I’m off to do chores, but check out JuanitaJean’s Friday Toons, if you get the chance. The last one is a pip!
it’s snowing in todville 🙂
Moooooooorning!
http://theobamadiary.com/2014/12/20/early-bird-chat-443/