It’s Been A Tough Week. A Little Laughter Helps

Me: I wish for a lightsaber.

Genie: Be realistic.

Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend.

Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?

— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) April 9, 2014

My daughter asked me what it's like to have kids so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.

— smug lemur (@Smug_Lemur) November 2, 2014

****

Me: Can I have a Batmobile?

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: Ok, pass my Masters & get a good job?

Santa: I'll leave the Batmobile in the garage.

— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) December 14, 2013

Wife: My panties are very, VERY wet.
Me: Do you wanna...
Wife: Fix the fucking dryer.

— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) November 17, 2014

****

I know that I'd make a terrible heroin junkie because I'm 26 years old and I can barely jam the straw into a Capri Sun without making a mess

— Donnie (@donnie_fairburn) June 10, 2013

Subway only exists because we're all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together.
"Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here's $8."

— Jerry Lock (@jlock17) June 10, 2014

****

Never try and start a conga when leaving a funeral.

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) November 25, 2014

Dear vegetarians,

You're free range and grain fed, if there's ever an apocalypse, the rest of us are definitely going to eat you.

— Sam Bananahammock© (@Sam_stone31) July 10, 2014

****

6: Dad, can I jump off this?
Me: No.
6: I'm gonna do it.
Me: Be careful.

And that's how dads watch kids.

(Only one ER visit so far.)

— Bizarro Mark (@Bizarro_Mark) September 28, 2013

Every piece of cake
Every cookie you take
Every bite of steak
I'll be watching you

Dogs

— Marcmywords (@Marcmywords2) February 24, 2014

****

Want to know what it's like to have kids?
1. Gather everything you own.
2. Throw it all on the floor.
3. Pick it up.
4. Repeat for infinity.

— Topher Kearby (@TopherKearby) May 11, 2014

*Food hits floor*

Little Germs: "Let's get it!"

King Germ: "No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"

— Sir Rabbit (@hythemafia) August 9, 2014

The President’s Day

President Barack Obama shares a laugh with Ashton Carter, his nominee for defense secretary, during the announcement in the Roosevelt Room of the White House

****

****

President Barack Obama greets former National Security Adviser Brent Scowcroft

President Barack Obama meets with King Abdullah II of Jordan in the Oval Office at the White House. President Obama and King Abdullah II discussed regional issues and the ongoing fight against the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS)

****

****

President Barack Obama delivers brief remarks to reporters before meeting with a group of newly elected governors in the Oval Office at the White House and said the group would talk about issues where the states and the White House have common ground.

****

****

(L-R): Governor-elect Charlie Baker of Massachusetts, Governor-elect Bruce Rauner of Illinois, Governor-elect Tom Wolf of Pennsylvania, Governor-elect Greg Abbott of Texas, Governor-elect Gina Raimondo of Rhode Island, Governor-elect Larry Hogan of Maryland and Gov. Bill Walker

Jobs, Jobs, And More Jobs. Thanks, President Obama!

Simply put, the November jobs report crushed it.http://t.co/PQHw9jK10l pic.twitter.com/qd2YJYFBsh

— Ben Casselman (@bencasselman) December 5, 2014

It's a record: The U.S. economy has never before delivered 50 straight months of payrolls growth. (Previous record: 48, ending in mid-1990.)

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) December 5, 2014

****

Virtually all the job growth in the recovery has come in full-time jobs. pic.twitter.com/3wTKGcuBaS

— Ben Casselman (@bencasselman) December 5, 2014

****

Job growth accelerating since recession:
2008: -3.5M jobs
2009: -5.0M
2010: +1.1M
2011: +2.0M
2012: +2.2M
2013: +2.3M
2014: +2.6M

— Paul Brandus (and on Mastodon) (@WestWingReport) December 5, 2014

Unemployment rate for construction workers finally back to early 2000's level. pic.twitter.com/1oC3X7CV24

— Jed Kolko (@JedKolko) December 5, 2014

****

The unemployment rate under President Obama is lower than it was under President Reagan at this time. pic.twitter.com/ZZlh3y0zll

— Keith Boykin (@keithboykin) December 5, 2014

Big swing from horrible 2008. November 2008: -765,000 lost; November 2014: +321,000. Change to upside of +1,086,000 jobs

— Paul Brandus (and on Mastodon) (@WestWingReport) December 5, 2014

****

So far this year, the economy has added 2.65 million jobs, which is more than any year since 1999.

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) December 5, 2014

Unemployment rate in 11/09: 9.9%
Unemployment rate in 11/13: 7%
Unemployment rate in 11/14: 5.8% http://t.co/0Peg23wqzm

— Mo Elleithee 🇺🇦 🇺🇸 (@MoElleithee) December 5, 2014

****

Wage growth was much stronger in November--which is very good sign. But some perspective is important. pic.twitter.com/G4etc7ivWw

— Ben Casselman (@bencasselman) December 5, 2014

TWITTER CHART!
Jobs growth since 2011
▁▄▅█▂▅▂▂▅▄▄▄█▅▆▂▂▁▃▃▄▅▅▅▅▇▃▅▅▅▃▅▄▆▇▁▃▅▅▇▅▆▆▅▇▆█
Do you see those nice big fat healthy bars at the end?

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) December 5, 2014

****

Trend is what matters, and there is now a very clear, very pronounced acceleration in pace of job growth. pic.twitter.com/jUZsTvLgZy

— Ben Casselman (@bencasselman) December 5, 2014

16.7k new residential construction jobs in November. That's the biggest gain in 10 months. pic.twitter.com/c3yNShH8F4

— Jed Kolko (@JedKolko) December 5, 2014

****

Good trade #s, too America doesn't make anything the world wants. . . except the $197.5 b of stuff we exported in October. Close to a record

— Daniel Gross (@grossdm) December 5, 2014

https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/540862820574068736

****

https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/540862461667467264

One more chart: more jobs have been created in 2014 than any year of the Bush/Cheney erahttp://t.co/NdfDR95QoN pic.twitter.com/PSUuo1sy9H

— Steve Benen (@stevebenen) December 5, 2014

****

Good news for housing demand. Share of young adults with jobs holds steady at 6-yr high of 76.2%. pic.twitter.com/hIhpq8QxMr

— Jed Kolko (@JedKolko) December 5, 2014

WASHINGTON (AP) - US trade deficit drops to $43.4 billion in October with oil imports falling to 5-year low.

— Zeke Miller (@ZekeJMiller) December 5, 2014

****

Really broad-based job gains: Construction, manufacturing, retail, education...

— Ben Casselman (@bencasselman) December 5, 2014

Go ahead, congressional Republicans. Ask "Where are the jobs?" today. I dare you http://t.co/Ngxc1G2cPv pic.twitter.com/sDO5WJogGy

— Steve Benen (@stevebenen) December 5, 2014

****

Translating the jobs numbers into words:
HOLY MOLY.
CRIKEY.
WHAT A REPORT.
THE RECOVERY IS ZOOMING ALONG.

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) December 5, 2014

If you're not walking with a spring in your step today, then you don't really love the American economy.

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) December 5, 2014

****

BAWSE. 🙂

https://twitter.com/fivefifths/status/488709048704196608

The Freedom To Retire Early And Have Good Health? Thanks, ObamaCare

****

Amy Lynn Smith: Obamacare Gives Ohio Man The Freedom To Retire Early And Improve His Health

Jim worked 37 years for the same company, typically putting in 50-hour weeks that included travel and working weekends. It started taking a toll and he says his health began to decline. That’s why he decided to retire at age 59 — something he could not have done without the Affordable Care Act (ACA), also known as Obamacare. “June 28, 2012 was one of the happiest days of my life, when the Supreme Court upheld the Affordable Care Act,” Jim says. “Without the ACA, I could not get insurance at any price because my wife is a cancer survivor — she had leukemia 15 years ago —

and the only way I could get insurance was through work.” His wife’s leukemia was treated successfully and neither one of them has any chronic health conditions, but that didn’t stop insurance companies from turning people away or charging exorbitant prices because of pre-existing conditions before the ACA. Jim retired in March 2014 after doing his homework about the plans available on the insurance Marketplace at Healthcare.gov. The plan Jim chose would have cost $1,200 per month to cover him and his wife, but with a tax subsidy their premium costs just $127 per month.

More here

****

#GetCovered Sign up for quality health coverage TODAY! http://t.co/msWlOTRPQM pic.twitter.com/IYQh5i7VVh

— kerry washington (@kerrywashington) December 1, 2014

Ohio couple couldn't buy insurance at any price because of cancer treatment 15 years ago. The #ACA changed all that. http://t.co/ynFbE2mDVS

— Amy Lynn Smith (@alswrite) November 21, 2014

****

https://twitter.com/aishatyler/status/539604538617917442

Are you in search of a good #CyberMonday deal? Sign up for quality, affordable health coverage at http://t.co/cI9IG7vPc1. #GetCovered

— Elizabeth Banks ❄️ (@ElizabethBanks) December 1, 2014

****

Already online for #CyberMonday? Don't forget to #GetCovered at http://t.co/CbQVG55cJ5 http://t.co/K8wLUFNaBB

— Dulé Hill (@DuleHill) December 1, 2014

Spread the word: If you need health coverage, you can #GetCovered today at http://t.co/GSGaG8fC3q. pic.twitter.com/sxN9R31G1n

— shonda rhimes (@shondarhimes) December 1, 2014

****

I'm not an "Obama-bot" but I have health insurance, despite a brain tumor thanks to President @BarackObama & will NEVER forget him for that!

— Dana Fairbanks MD #ForProfitHealthcareIsImmoral (@dcfairbank) November 29, 2014

Check out the offers on this marketplace today: http://t.co/auDZQKSpAR #GetCovered pic.twitter.com/UQY0rlUNR7

— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) December 1, 2014

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Obama watches TV news coverage about the death of Nelson Mandela, December 5, 2013 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

Today (all times Eastern)

10:10: The President announces his nominee for Secretary of Defense, Roosevelt Room

11:10: Meets with King Abdullah of Jordan

1:0: White House Press Briefing

4:45: The President meets with newly elected governors

****

Go ahead, congressional Republicans. Ask "Where are the jobs?" today. I dare you http://t.co/Ngxc1G2cPv pic.twitter.com/sDO5WJogGy

— Steve Benen (@stevebenen) December 5, 2014

https://twitter.com/NerdyWonka/status/540864046832963584

https://twitter.com/NerdyWonka/status/540863121221353473

https://twitter.com/NerdyWonka/status/540873721993392128

https://twitter.com/NerdyWonka/status/540871100893130752

https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/540862461667467264

#ObamasFault WASHINGTON (AP) - US trade deficit drops to $43.4 billion in October with oil imports falling to 5-year low.

— Effy Gee (@TheObamaphile) December 5, 2014

https://twitter.com/theonlyadult/status/540879887301500928

****

****

On This Day

Following the Kennedy Center Honors, President Obama receives a briefing from Jeff Bader, Senior Director for Asian Affairs, left, and National Security Advisor Tom Donilon, right, before placing a telephone call to President Hu Jintao of China in the Oval Office, Sunday, Dec. 5, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama pose in front of the Official White House Christmas Tree in the Blue Room of the White House, Dec. 5, 2010 (Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama attend the Kennedy Center Honors at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington, D.C., Sunday, Dec. 5, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama takes a late night phone call with President Hu Jintao of China, in the Oval Office, after attending the Kennedy Center Honors, Dec. 5, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

President Obama greets Elie Wiesel in the Oval Office, Dec. 5, 2011 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama listen to the Seneca Valley High School Chamber Choir in the Diplomatic Reception Room of the White House following a holiday reception, Dec. 5, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

MoooOOOooorning! A bit of a rush job, we’ll catch up through the day – happy Friday!

Early Bird Chat

President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, daughters Sasha and Malia, Marian Robinson and Interior Secretary Sally Jewell participate in the National Christmas Tree lighting on the Ellipse in Washington, D.C., Dec. 4, 2014 (Photo by Pete Souza)

****

MoooOOOooorning!