Tuesday Calls For Haha’s

https://twitter.com/Douchekevin/status/538817855694061568

"..all the king's horses & all the king's men couldn't get Humpty together again"
*raises hand*
What guy thought horses might figure it out?

— Brian (OF in bio) (@SortaBad) September 10, 2014

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https://twitter.com/darkmatter_wimp/status/536539358380445696

[Porsche dealer]
"I love the car, but how will it handle when I'm holding one of these bad boys?" *pulls burrito from my coat*

— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) November 14, 2014

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[filling out online dating form]

Would you describe yourself as sophisticated?

*pulls hotdog from my hair*

*circles yes*

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) November 6, 2014

https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/527535223056379904

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The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.

— luke skyhole (@online_shawn) August 2, 2014

Seriously, calm the fuck down, John pic.twitter.com/t2tfM19Fc3

— kim (@KimmyMonte) September 9, 2014

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I saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van". I wrote "she is-when you're at work!"

— Chris Swart (@BwanaChris) April 12, 2011

https://twitter.com/NicestHippo/status/531843367324626944

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My orgasms for the past 22 months are now considered organic. Home made, hand reared and hand made

— Chris Swart (@BwanaChris) May 30, 2012

Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.

— shauna (@goldengateblond) November 10, 2014

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One of my favorite games to play on Twitter is "parody account or republican?"

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 10, 2014

if your alarm clock wakes me up, you now have two alarm clocks and one of them likes to slap

— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) November 11, 2014

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We really need an It Gets Better for people who accidentally tweet they're instead of their.

— Carol Ray Hartsell ™️ (@carolrhartsell) November 12, 2014

Spent over an hour putting the drawstring back into my hoodie after it came out in the dryer. It's the closest I'll ever get to childbirth.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 13, 2014

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Turned Siri's voice to a male. Now he hardly listens at all and keeps sending me to the beer store.

So, I get it ladies. I get it.

— Amish Super Model 🇺🇦 (@AmishSuperModel) November 29, 2014

https://twitter.com/carlyken/status/516780711446331392

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Grandpa always said, "the hotter the tortoise, the sweeter the coitus". Sounds odd, but it rhymed because of his speech impediment.

— SoulBrodeler (@SoulYodeler) November 28, 2014

Me: Hey, just wanted to say I'm thinking about you
Pizza Hut: Please stop calling

— moody monday (@mdob11) November 24, 2014

The President’s Day

President Barack Obama speaks at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md., about the fight against Ebola. The president is highlighting advances in research for an Ebola vaccine and pushing Congress to approve his request for $6.2 billion to confront the disease abroad and to secure against its spread in the United States

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 President Barack Obama tours the Vaccine Research Center with Dr. Nancy Sullivan, U.S. Secretary of HHS Sylvia Burwell, and Dr. Anthony Fauci to talk about Ebola, during a visit to the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland

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"I’m calling on Congress to approve our emergency funding request to fight this disease." —President Obama #Ebola pic.twitter.com/waIFFNyACz

— White House Archived (@ObamaWhiteHouse) December 2, 2014

"The American people have sent Washington a pretty clear message: Find areas where you agree…work together and get the job done." —Obama

— White House Archived (@ObamaWhiteHouse) December 2, 2014

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President Obama Delivers Remarks on Ebola

5:05 EDT: President Obama delivers remarks on Ebola, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda

 

A Tweet or Two

How one woman could hit the reset button in the case against Darren Wilson http://t.co/zsrmYrczdH pic.twitter.com/fhYR3M6ITz

— ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) December 2, 2014

Yes, that's @MsPackyetti and @SheenBean32 in a meeting with President Obama. The movement lives. #Ferguson pic.twitter.com/eVITlOgU5a

— deray (@deray) December 2, 2014

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If you for a millisecond believe the main problem with Ferguson is President Obama, have an entire coliseum of seats.

— Zandar vs. The House GOP Circus Of The Damned (@ZandarVTS) December 2, 2014

No, electing Obama as President did not magically fix police brutality and a 400 plus year old system of racism in this country.

Sorry.

— Zandar vs. The House GOP Circus Of The Damned (@ZandarVTS) December 2, 2014

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Obama's commitment to young people is remarkable. I will always commend him for giving us a seat at the table time and time again. #Ferguson

— Michael Skolnik (@MichaelSkolnik) December 2, 2014

https://twitter.com/TheObamaDiary/status/539594526210654209

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https://twitter.com/TheObamaDiary/status/539574445057511425 https://twitter.com/TheObamaDiary/status/539570548347764737

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https://twitter.com/TheObamaCat/status/539840816513294336

This is about vicious revenge by the #Ferguson pd in targeting Michael Brown's step dad. They refuse to indict DW but go after the step dad.

— 3ChicsPolitico (@3ChicsPolitico) December 2, 2014

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aft killing of Tamir Rice, @clevelanddotcom provided more critical reporting on his parents than on cop who shot him; http://t.co/hRshVjy139

— Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) December 2, 2014

My 15 yr old niece shared this status - the students & youth are doing this all by themselves. We got you #Ferguson pic.twitter.com/R705NSLxH0

— Milo Believe (@VeryWhiteGuy) December 1, 2014

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#BlackLivesMatter Demand a special prosecutor and another grand jury. Charge McCollough with prosecutorial misconduct. This was not a trial

— Wendell Pierce (@WendellPierce) December 2, 2014

Understanding St. Louis and #Ferguson. My writing on #STL before and after the grand jury decision http://t.co/jFLO3MOu0l

— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) December 2, 2014

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https://twitter.com/JRehling/status/539662458500038656

November 2005: Barack Obama speaks at funeral of Rosa Parks http://t.co/UcR2Q4BZY3 via @YouTube

— meta (@metaquest) December 2, 2014

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Obama departs the Outer Oval Office at the end of the day, Dec. 2, 2009 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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Today (all times Eastern)

10:50: The President meets with tribal leaders, Roosevelt Room

12:45: White House Press Briefing

2:40: The President visits Walter Reed National Military Medical Center; Bethesda, Maryland

4:20: Tours the vaccine research center, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda

5:05: Delivers remarks on Ebola

6:55: Attends a DNC fundraiser, Washington

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Greatest. Toon. Ever.

#edshow President Obama getting ready for January pic.twitter.com/HRR8xF4eKc

— Pat Fuller 🟧 (@bannerite) December 1, 2014

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On This Day

President Obama and Oval Office valet Raymond Rogers light candles on a birthday cake for NSC Chief of Staff Denis McDonough in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, Dec. 2, 2009 (Photo by Pete Souza)

First Lady Michelle Obama and Ken Fisher of the Fisher House Foundation cut the ribbon to open the newest Fisher House at the Bethesda Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland on December 2, 2010. The Fisher house provides free housing to military families while their loved ones receive hospitalization for an illness, disease or injury.

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama watch Susan Retik and her daughter Molly light a Menorah on the second night of Hanukkah during a Hanukkah reception in the East Room of the White House, Dec 2, 2010

President Obama delivers remarks during a meeting with newly elected governors at Blair House in Washington, D.C., Dec. 2, 2010 (Photo by Lawrence Jackson)

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President Obama listens to former president Bill Clinton during a visit to a building under construction in Washington as part of the President’s Better Building Initiative to promote energy efficient buildings, Dec 2, 2011

President Obama listens as Hartford “Sonny” Black Eagle delivers remarks at the White House Tribal Nations Conference at the Interior Department in Washington, Dec. 2, 2011

President Obama smiles for a photo with a group Marine Corps Navajo Code Talkers after delivering remarks at the White House Tribal Nations Conference, Dec. 2, 2011

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President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama arrive at the Kennedy Center Honors reception at the White House on December 2, 2012

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama applaud as they attend the 2012 Kennedy Center Honors at the Kennedy Center in Washington, December 2, 2012

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Pete Souza: “Joined by Chief of Staff Denis McDonough’s daughter, the President carries a birthday cake to surprise McDonough in his West Wing office.” Dec. 2, 2013

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 MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michele Obama talk with the 2012 Kennedy Center Honorees in the Blue Room of the White House prior to a reception in the East Room, Dec. 2, 2012. Honorees, from left, are: Chicago bluesman Buddy Guy, Led Zeppelin keyboardist and bassist John Paul Jones, Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant, ballerina Natalia Makarova, actor Dustin Hoffman, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, and television comedian David Letterman. (Photo by Pete Souza)

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MoooOOOooorning – Happy Tuesday!