End Wednesday With A Smile

Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident.

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David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 11, 2014

"What could possibly go wrong?" - the first Richard to go by 'Dick'

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ibid (@ibid78) November 13, 2014

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Son we named you Star Wars Episode I BECAUSE YOU'RE A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. Now send your sister Every Metallica Album After Kill 'Em All in.

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būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) November 12, 2014

"Dad where do babies come from?" "Son, when birds & bees mate, they make us afterward. We're birdbees, son. Abominations. And we're hunted."

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Michael (@Home_Halfway) May 23, 2014

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[watching toilet overflow] climate change did this

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☆mystery meat☆ (@meatballwizard) October 06, 2014

Scientists can land on a fuckin comet but sure go ahead and tell me again what you know about global warming that they don't, Dad.

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ibid (@ibid78) November 12, 2014

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[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"

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David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 20, 2014

*cooking omelette for GF* Me: “Want extra cheese, babe?” Gf: “Sure baby” *slowly turns up Aerosmith’s ‘I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing’*

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Christopher Sherk (@TheIronSherk) June 07, 2014

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"Dad I ran the 5k in 24 minutes!" *peers over paper* Well done son. *lifts paper, mumbles* 5,000 miles in 24 minutes my ass you little shit.

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matt (@shadygrenade) November 09, 2014

[2 toads chillin'] Yo, we should start a rumor that if u lick us you'll get high. "Whaaaat, that's genius." We gon’ get mad licked, son.

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Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) November 11, 2014

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[finds 11 Mcnuggets in my 10 piece] *The Boys Are Back In Town starts playing*

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Professor Cool (@OBiiieeee) November 04, 2014

'some ppl call me the space cowboy' um okay 'some call me the gangster of love' sir 'some call me m-' sir we just need a name for your latte

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  (@hippieswordfish) November 11, 2014

The President’s Day

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President Barack Obama delivers remarks at a “ConnectED to the Future” conference with school district supervisers and educators in the East Room of the White House

A member of the audience signs the digital Future Ready District Pledge during the ‘ConnectED to the Future’ event hosted by President Barack Obama. The conference is with superintendents and other educators from across the country who are leading their schools and districts in the transition to digital learning

President Barack Obama is greeted by Miami-Dade County Public Schools Superintendent Alberto M. Carvalho

President Barack Obama greets audience members

President Barack Obama signs S. 1086, the Child Care and Development Block Grant Act of 2014, into law in the Oval Office of the White House. Among the things the act intneds to do is strengthen health and safety requirements for child care programs and providers, expand eligibility to child care programs for families and train providers

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President Barack Obama speaks before signing the Child Care and Development Block Grant Act of 2014 into law, in the Oval Office of the White House. From left are, Rep, Richard Hanna, R-NY., Rep. Dave Loebsack, D-Iowa., Rep. Todd Rokita, R-Ind., Sen. Barbara Mikulski, D-Md., Sen. Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn., Sen. Tom Harkin, D-Iowa., Rep. John Kline, R-Minn., Rep. George Miller, D-Calif., Sen. Richard Burr, R-NC., and Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell

A Tweet or Two

Obama plans to unveil his immigration executive order on Friday in Las Vegas: reut.rs/1xPBVMG http://t.co/mSwunl4HyW

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Reuters Politics (@ReutersPolitics) November 19, 2014

Tomorrow at 8pm ET, President Obama will lay out new steps he's taking to fix our broken immigration system: go.wh.gov/sRN9yZ

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Dan Pfeiffer (@pfeiffer44) November 19, 2014

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And POTUS posted his announcement exclusively on Facebook. In other words, screw you beltway media. Bwahaha.

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  (@LiberalPhenom) November 19, 2014

Get your popcorn out, folks. Watching President @BarackObama deal with the yahoos in #Congress, shall be WORTH the price of admission. HaHa!

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Gobble Gobble Ron (@Ronc99) November 19, 2014

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Great #ImmigrationReform news. Bravo, President @BarackObama! GOP searching for a fainting and faux rage couch. facebook.com/video.php?v=10…

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Nerdy Wonka (@NerdyWonka) November 19, 2014

Today marks the 510th day that the Republican-led House has refused to address our broken immigration system. http://t.co/wyG6EzBGTK

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Senator Harry Reid (@SenatorReid) November 19, 2014

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Fact that NYT is quoting Michelle Bachman as a GOP immigration strategist tells you all you need to know abt this clown car cavalcade

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Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) November 19, 2014

Boehner says if Obama acts on immigration that will end the cooperation that led to a debt downgrade, a shutdown and 999 Obamacare repeals.

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  (@LOLGOP) November 19, 2014

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I Love My President: President Obama to announce executive action on immigration Thursday washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-pol… http://t.co/o0BmVKqjxV

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TheObamaCAT (@TheObamaCat) November 19, 2014

Which is more important to Republicans: Deporting more than 10 million people or taking health insurance from more than 10 million people?

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  (@LOLGOP) November 19, 2014

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welp friday it is then. friday my president will make things a bit better, activists will whine, gop will yell, and I'll have a beer.

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SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) November 19, 2014

.@SpeakerBoehner has never brought H.R. 15, bipartisan comprehensive immigration reform with 200 co-sponsors, to the floor for a vote.

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meta (@metaquest) November 19, 2014

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Amazing Boehner folks can claim exec action will prevent GOP from moving on immigration without reporters laughing in their faces.

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Greg Sargent (@ThePlumLineGS) November 19, 2014

IF OBAMA GOES THROUGH WITH THIS, REPUBLICANS WON'T WORK WITH HIM --Stupid punditry class for the next 24 hours, most certainly

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Zandar (@ZandarVTS) November 19, 2014

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Confirmed: Ebola Coverage On TV News Plummeted After Midterms; bit.ly/1F0AsEG http://t.co/2SNd4kDyWn

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Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) November 19, 2014

looks like Ebola served its purpose for both press/GOP---they no longer care abt topic; twitter.com/clairecmc/stat…

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Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) November 19, 2014

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Or what? You'll sue? LMAO! "@CBSNews: Boehner warns Obama: Don't veto Keystone pipeline bill ln.is/cbsn.ws/W2BQK"

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Mr. NFTG (@Kennymack1971) November 18, 2014

The ppl saying #KeystonePipeline will bring down gas prices are the ppl who said 2 wars w/Iraq would bring down gas prices.

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John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) November 19, 2014

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Every time @marylandrieu LIES about #KXL leading to "energy independence" when the oil'll go to WORLD markets, I smile she's on the way OUT.

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  (@Only4RM) November 19, 2014

Won't be long now. RT "@MaryLandrieu: I fought to bring #KXL to a vote & I will continue fighting for my state until the day I leave.”

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Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) November 18, 2014

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Obama during a tour of the Shwedagon Pagoda in Rangoon, Burma, Nov. 19, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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Today (all times Eastern)

11:05: The President hosts “ConnectED” conference with school officials who are focused on the transition to digital learning

11:45: Signs the Child Care and Development Block Grant Act of 2014

1:0: White House Press Briefing

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On This Day

President Obama and South Korean President Lee Myung-bak during an arrival ceremony at the Blue House in Seoul, South Korea, Nov. 19, 2009 (Photo by Pete Souza)

…. speaking to US troops at Osan Air Base, south of Seoul, on November 19, 2009

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…. at the East Asia Summit plenary session in Nusa Dua in Bali, on November 19, 2011

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First Lady Michelle Obama greets Lianyun Wu as she awards an International Spotlight Award to The 100 Dong Songs Program of China, during the 2012 National Arts and Humanities Youth Program Awards in the East Room at the White House, November 19, 2012

A Burmese student at Yangon International airport awaiting President Obama’s arrival, Nov. 19, 2012

Nov. 19, 2012 – Pete Souza: “Police hold back the crowd as residents line the streets of the motorcade route to welcome the first sitting President of the United States to visit Burma. This photograph was taken through the bullet-proof window of the vehicle just in front of the President’s. I love that three of the police are also trying to sneak a glimpse, one with a smile on his face.” (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama poses for a photo in front of the Shwedagon Pagoda in Rangoon, Burma, Nov. 19, 2012. All visitors must remove their shoes and socks while touring the pagoda. (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama, guides, and Secret Service agents walk barefoot during a tour of the Shwedagon Pagoda (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama pours water over the left shoulder of the Friday Buddha during a tour of the Shwedagon Pagoda (Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama signs a guest book during a tour of the Shwedagon Pagoda in Rangoon, Burma, Nov. 19, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

Crowds line a street outside the home of Aung San Suu Kyi as President Obama arrives to meet her in Yangon

President Obama greets Burmese Opposition Leader Aung San Suu Kyi during a visit to her private residence in Rangoon (Photo by Pete Souza)

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President Obama receives a floral tribute upon his arrival at Phnom Penh International Airport for the ASEAN Summit, November 19

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MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

On This Day: President Obama talks to New Zealand Prime Minister John Key as they arrive for the gala dinner together with other head of states participating in the 21st ASEAN Summit, Cambodia, Nov 19, 2012

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Nerdy, can’t thank you enough for the last post, you’re a thoughtful gem – and thank you again to everyone for the kind words, you’re the best.

So, MoooOOOooorning – Happy Wednesday!