Monday Means LOL

ME: YES HELLO 911 I'VE BEEN STABBED 911: New phone who dis

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  (@Ristolable) November 03, 2014

Oh you like food? What's a potato taste like? Yeah that's what I thought, you dunno shit....you don't eat no food, player.

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DVS (@DVSblast) August 17, 2011

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It’s so embarrassing when you say, "I love you, too," only to realize the person was waving to someone behind you.

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Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) November 08, 2014

If you bump into someone you havent seen in 7 years, every cell has been replaced and they're someone new entirely. You don't have to say hi

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shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 03, 2014

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Garfield: I'm grumpy Jon: I can legally have you murdered whenever I want.

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THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) November 05, 2014

I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."

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Amanda (@Manda_like_wine) June 21, 2014

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The first guy to sing the Happy Birthday song must have been really hungover and just wingin' it.

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PaperWash© (@PaperWash) November 07, 2014

Bae: Come over. Me: I can't. I'm literally a miniature clown in a room full of Jewish people. Bae: Pics or lying. Me: http://t.co/Kolc4Q8NTK

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GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) November 02, 2014

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what do you mean beagle isn't the shortened name for a bald eagle. honey why did you bring home a dog. where the fuck is my bald eagle karen

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eric (@dubstep4dads) November 05, 2014

*looks down at my disabled elderly pregnant child* "Today is your lucky day" http://t.co/3XO6jUBLJC

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Broga Pants (@crunkdumpster) October 13, 2014

A Tweet Or Two

34% of US jobs gained in Q3 in mid-paying industries, up from 21% a year ago. Higher-paying jobs at 27%, up from 16%. ow.ly/E3Dh7

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Moody's Analytics (@MoodysAnalytics) November 10, 2014

Another day, another record on Wall Street. Both the Dow & S&P 500 touch new all-time intraday highs

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Matt Egan (@MattMEgan5) November 10, 2014

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No blocking, no paid prioritization, no throttling. New from @BarackObama on net neutrality: whitehouse.gov/net-neutrality http://t.co/n8ObnpUjJn

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Matthew McGregor (@mcgregormt) November 10, 2014

NOT BREAKING: http://t.co/eOHBcmWCRR

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The Baxter Bean (@TheBaxterBean) November 10, 2014

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Joe Biden's biggest fan? Not @parksandrecnbc's Leslie Knope. It's a 3-year-old girl from Iowa. sun-tim.es/1pFbjOg http://t.co/DThj38DEUD

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Chicago Sun-Times (@Suntimes) November 09, 2014

Tnx, #stimulus! smartgrid.gov/recovery_act RT @timothypmurphy but what is the Obamacare for the internet of things?

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Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) November 10, 2014

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Beshear example: 22-yr old student making less than $18,000 could pay less than $20 a month for health care through Kynect. #ACA

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Joe Sonka (@joesonka) November 10, 2014

SICK BURNS FOR THE 2016 GOP PRIMARY DEBATES: Obamacaresayswhat. What? YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU'RE OBAMACARE, BOBBY JINDAL.

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  (@LOLGOP) November 10, 2014

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How new voting restrictions disenfranchised a 22-year Marine vet in NC & impacted the 2014 election thenat.in/1ArXwiy #icymi

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Ari Berman (@AriBerman) November 09, 2014

Weird. The first election after the Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act had the lowest turnout in 70 years.

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  (@LOLGOP) November 10, 2014

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Fewer people are homeless. Tnx, #stimulus! immasmartypants.blogspot.com/2014/11/fewer-… via @SmartyPants60

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Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) November 10, 2014

My column: Anyone who thinks the GOP will govern happily with #Obama hasn't been listening. A little realism, please. wapo.st/1spnadN

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EJ Dionne (@EJDionne) November 10, 2014

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9 straight months of at least 200K new jobs. 10.5M new jobs overall. No wonder everyone's pissed!

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Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) November 07, 2014

What do you think created 10.5M new jobs? Job-killing health reform, job-killing financial reform, or job-killing carbon regs?

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Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) November 07, 2014

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Larry King went on a hell of a run last night. Miss you, King http://t.co/iH6dIRKSlx

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  (@pourmecoffee) November 10, 2014

Obama and Xi Jinping arrive at international Star Trek Convention http://t.co/3dXaxLfnyY

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  (@pourmecoffee) November 10, 2014

A Free And Open Internet. Thanks, President Obama

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White House: Net Neutrality: President Obama’s Plan For A Free And Open Internet

An open Internet is essential to the American economy, and increasingly to our very way of life. By lowering the cost of launching a new idea, igniting new political movements, and bringing communities closer together, it has been one of the most significant democratizing influences the world has ever known. “Net neutrality” has been built into the fabric of the Internet since its creation — but it is also a principle that we cannot take for granted. We cannot allow Internet service providers (ISPs) to restrict the best access or to pick winners and losers in the online marketplace for services and ideas. That is why today, I am asking the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to answer the call of almost 4 million public comments, and implement the strongest possible rules to protect net neutrality.

I'm urging the @FCC to keep the internet open and free. Here's my plan to protect #NetNeutrality for everyone: go.wh.gov/net-neutrality –bo

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) November 10, 2014

No blocking. If a consumer requests access to a website or service, and the content is legal, your ISP should not be permitted to block it. That way, every player — not just those commercially affiliated with an ISP — gets a fair shot at your business. No throttling. Nor should ISPs be able to intentionally slow down some content or speed up others — through a process often called “throttling” — based on the type of service or your ISP’s preferences. Increased transparency. The connection between consumers and ISPs — the so-called “last mile” — is not the only place some sites might get special treatment. So, I am also asking the FCC to make full use of the transparency authorities the court recently upheld, and if necessary to apply net neutrality rules to points of interconnection between the ISP and the rest of the Internet. No paid prioritization. Simply put: No service should be stuck in a “slow lane” because it does not pay a fee. That kind of gatekeeping would undermine the level playing field essential to the Internet’s growth. So, as I have before, I am asking for an explicit ban on paid prioritization and any other restriction that has a similar effect.

More here

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Adam Clark Estes: Obama’s Plan To Save The Internet

Good news, America. Our president, Barack Obama, is finally standing up for the internet, and asking the FCC to classify it as a public utility. In other words, he’s asking the agency not to allow destructive things like fast lanes (a.k.a. paid prioritization) or throttling. It’s a great day! At least, today’s news is a great step in the right direction. So Obama’s asked the FCC to reclassify the internet as a public utility, like electricity or water. This means a lot of things. Suffice it to say that the internet gets a better square on the Monopoly board. Instead of just being a regular piece of real estate that can be bought or sold or modified or destroyed, the internet would enjoy a number of regulatory protections if it were classified under Title II of the Telecommunications Act. The White House points out in a blog post about Obama’s statement that the reclassification would represent a “basic acknowledgement of the services ISPs provide to American homes and businesses, and the straightforward obligations necessary to ensure the network works for everyone—not just one or two companies.” That sounds about right. The internet was designed to be a free and open tool for communications.

About an hour after the White House released the statement, Tim Wu tweeted:

BIG NEWS (for Net Neutrality) -- President Obama demands bright-line rules, endorses Title II reclassification whitehouse.gov/net-neutrality

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Tim Wu (@superwuster) November 10, 2014

Tim Wu is the Columbia Law School professor who invented the term “net neutrality.” So if he likes Obama’s policy, today is a terrific day for the internet. And it actually sounds like he loves the policy. Keep this in mind when you wonder if it’ll work. Will the FCC actually write new rules that conform to the president’s wishes? We don’t know. We can’t know until they do or they don’t! Think of it this way, though. The FCC is not the American people’s favorite agency right now. More than one individual commissioner has even admitted that the existing rules are bad. Meanwhile, the experts who understand how the internet works better than the FCC does say that Obama’s plan is “100% on target.” It’s the FCC’s job to listen to experts and do what’s best for the American people. Now would be a good time for the FCC to do its job.

More here

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An open and free Internet is for everyone. President @BarackObama, thanks for supporting Net Neutrality etsy.me/1tyJOkj

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  (@Etsy) November 10, 2014

I applaud President Obama’s leadership on #NetNeutrality. We must ensure fair & equal access to the Internet! goo.gl/ynOCJ2

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Nancy Pelosi (@NancyPelosi) November 10, 2014

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This is huge! President @BarackObama is sticking up for a free and open Internet: whitehouse.gov/net-neutrality #NetNeutrality

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Kickstarter (@kickstarter) November 10, 2014

Kudos to @WhiteHouse for continued support of #NetNeutrality. Constituents overwhelmingly say NO #InternetFastlanes http://t.co/6wokIYqzqk

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Senator Ben Cardin (@SenatorCardin) November 10, 2014

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@WhiteHouse Thank you for this. @FCC Do it.

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  (@fd2190) November 10, 2014

@WhiteHouse @FCC keep fighting Mr. President

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LLS (@powwowasu) November 10, 2014

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A Different Take On The Election

by @zizii2

Much handwringing over the Democratic party’s electoral fortunes has taken place this past week. Teabaggers are ecstatic. The most loathesome wingnuts are going to make our lives even more miserable than we have already endured. Some young people justify young voter apathy by saying Democrats did not give them what they wanted, as shown below in the Carl Gibson piece titled:

Open Letter to Democrats From a Disillusioned Young Voter

And Democratic Party leaders will probably learn the wrong lessons and move further repub-lite.

I think differently about what happened. I believe what we are seeing is the brick wall that Coalition Politics slams into when the regular institutions of Democracy have been irreparably subverted and perverted by oligarchs and their political minions who have convinced many Americans that nihilism is their birthright. What do I mean?

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Normally, in a democracy, aspiring politicians and party platforms woo voters with promises of what they will DO for said voters, and the campaigns go full steam ahead in competition. And whoever wins tries to maintain voter approval and possible reelection based on their ability to account to the voter. Otherwise how do you win power again, right?

Wrong. Voters? What voters? GOP-Oligarchs’ answer to electoral imperatives and demographic change, is to shrink the electorate till they could “drown it in a bathtub”!

President Obama At The APEC Summit

President Barack Obama is welcomed by US Ambassador to China Max Baucus upon his arrival at Beijing Capital Airport in Beijing, China. President Obama is in China to attend the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) 2014 Summit

President Barack Obama meets with the leaders of the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) countries in Beijing

President Barack Obama speaks during a bilateral meeting with Indonesia’s President Joko Widodo

President Barack Obama meets with Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott

President Barack Obama speaks at the APEC CEO Summit at the China National Convention Centre (CNCC) in Beijing

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Delegates use their smartphones to take pictures of President Barack Obama

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President Barack Obama walks to the stage with Dow Chemical Co. President, Chairman and CEO Andrew Liveris, at the APEC CEO Summit at the China National Convention Centre (CNCC)

President Barack Obama with China’s President Xi Jinping and Xi’s wife Peng Liyuan during the APEC Welcome Banquet at Beijing National Aquatics Center, or the Water Cube, in Beijing

President Barack Obama is greeted by China’s Vice Foreign Minister Li Baodong, as he arrives at Beijing National Aquatics Center, or the Water Cube, for the APEC Welcome Banquet

Brunei’s Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah (L-R), Russia’s President Vladimir Putin, Chinese President Xi Jinping, his wife Peng Liyuan and U.S. President Barack Obama arrive for a dinner hosted by the Chinese President

President Barack Obama and South Korean President Park Geun-hye talk as they depart the APEC Summit family photo

Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) nations’ leaders and spouses pose for a family photo at Beijing National Aquatics Center, or the Water Cube, in Beijing, November 10, 2014. (Front row L to R) Vietnam’s President Truong Tan Sang, Angelica Rivera and husband Mexico’s President Enrique Pena Nieto, Chile’s President Michelle Bachelet, Brunei’s Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, Philippine President Benigno Aquino, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin, China’s President Xi Jinping and his wife Peng Liyuan, Indonesia’s President Joko Widodo and his wife Iriana Widodo, U.S. President Barack Obama, South Korea’s President Park Geun-hye, Peru’s President Ollanta Humala, Thailand’s Prime Minister Prayut Chan-O-Cha and his wife Naraporn; (Back row L to R) Hong Kong’s Chief Executive Leung Chun-ying, Bronagh Key and her husband New Zealand’s Prime Minister John Key, Akie and her husband Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, Laureen Harper and her husband Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Australia’s Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Malaysia’s Prime Minister Najib Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor, Papua New Guinea’s Prime Minister Peter O’Neill and his wife Lynda May Babao, Singapore’s Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and his wife Ho Ching, Taiwanese envoy to APEC summit Vincent Siew and his wife Susan Chu

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Obama waves to people along the motorcade route while traveling from the University of Indonesia to the airport in Jakarta, Indonesia, Nov. 10, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Barack Obama stand with Chinese President Xi Jinping (2nd L) and other leaders during the APEC Summit family photo in Beijing November 10, 2014. Front row: (from L-R) Putin, Xi and his wife Peng Liyuan, Indonesian President Joko Widodo and his wife Iriana, and Obama. Back row: (from L-R) Australia’s Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Malaysia’s Prime Minister Najib Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor, Papua New Guinea’s Prime Minister Peter O’Neill and his wife Lynda, Singapore’s Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and his wife Ho Ching

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Today

Beijing is 13 hours ahead of Washington, DC, so ‘today’ is kinda:

Tuesday

The President will attend official APEC summit events including a welcoming ceremony, an official APEC family photo and a tree planting ceremony. He will also participate in two APEC plenary sessions and a working lunch with leaders. In the evening, the President will begin his bilateral program with President Xi of China. He will remain overnight in Beijing.

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The Week Ahead

 Wednesday

The President will participate in a State Arrival Welcome Ceremony. Afterward, he will participate in a bilateral meeting with President Xi and then deliver remarks to press.  In the afternoon, he will attend a State Banquet with President Xi. Afterward, he will depart Beijing en route Naypyitaw, Burma. After arrival, the President will attend an East Asia Summit Gala Dinner. He will remain overnight in Naypyitaw.

 Thursday

The President will attend an EAS plenary session followed by an U.S.-ASEAN session and hold a bilateral meeting with President Truong Tan Sang of Vietman. In the evening he will have a bilateral meeting with Burmese President Thein Sein. He will remain overnight in Naypyitaw.

 Friday

The President will depart Naypyitaw en route Rangoon, Burma. While in Rangoon, he will meet with Aung San Suu Kyi at her residence. He will also participate in a Young Southeast Asian Leaders Initiative Town Hall. In the evening, the President will depart Rangoon en route Brisbane, Australia. He will remain overnight on Air Force One.

Saturday

The President will arrive in Brisbane, Australia. While in Brisbane, he will participate in official G20 events including a leaders retreat, a plenary session, a working dinner and a cultural presentation. He will also deliver remarks at the University of Queensland. He will remain overnight in Brisbane.

Sunday

The President will participate in two G20 plenary sessions and a working lunch. Afterward, he will participate in a press conference before departing Brisbane en route Washington, DC.

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Look. At. The. Number. Of. RTs. And. Faves!!!

“When you are done with Obama, could you send him our way?” A Canadian reminding Americans just how lucky we are. pic.twitter.com/0U1ySoJkU7

— Nerdy Wonka (@NerdyWonka) November 9, 2014

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 On This Day

First Lady Michelle Obama greets children of U.S. Embassy staff at the Shangri-La Hotel in Jakarta, Indonesia, Nov. 10, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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 MoooOOOooorning everyone. Will try to catch up with the President’s visit to China later in the day, out of time this morning. Chat on!

Early Bird Chat

President Obama poses with Chinese President Xi Jinping and his wife Peng Liyuan as they arrive for Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit banquet at the National Aquatics Center in the Chinese capital on November 10, 2014

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MoooOOOooorning – Happy Monday!