If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving TOO much. And several felonies in 3 different states. But mostly loving too much.
—
Tony (@Tmoney68) October 01, 2012
My daughter keeps having G.I. Joe kiss Barbie while Ken is at work and staring at her mother then me. Kids are so weird sometimes.
—
būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) November 19, 2014
****
some cats are like "i hate this dumb name you gave me." but i like the ones that are clearly saying "FOOLS! COWER BEFORE THE IRE OF WAFFLES"
—
tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 16, 2014
*tightens straps on electric chair*
Any last words?
-I think male oysters should be called boysters
Omg will someone throw the damn switch
—
Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) November 26, 2014
****
a fun thing to do is to whisper "you're a hard person to track down" to strangers in public restrooms
—
L'oReal (@UsedTurtle) November 16, 2014
remember this one baby?
"it's our song"
*put hands on wife's hips as she does the dishes*
*sings in her ear*
Mmmbop ba duba dop ba du bop
—
Brent (@murrman5) May 12, 2014
****
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
—
Jessie (@NicCageMatch) April 10, 2014
I like to say "good morning" to older people after 1pm & watch their face burn with the hate fire of a thousand suns for me & my generation.
—
Kyle *cue doves* (@kyle_thatisall) January 15, 2013
****
(death row inmate gets served his last meal)
ME: can i have some
—
mitch (@Ulillillysses) November 01, 2014
This will be my tombstone. http://t.co/OSsQUkkjXv
—
būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) November 23, 2014
****
what if you thought you had met your soul mate but then you saw them put mayonnaise on a hotdog
—
mustard (@nice_mustard) November 21, 2013
HONEY I ACCIDENTALLY FILLED THE BABY'S BOTTLE WITH RED BULL
Oh god, is he sick
HE'S GOT ME IN A HEAD LOCK AND IS SAYING I'M A NERD. CALL 911
—
būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) November 23, 2014
You must be logged in to post a comment.