Friday Calls For More Laughs

My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.

—
Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) July 20, 2013

Being married means you never ha-WOULD YOU QUIT CHEWING SO GODDAMN LOUD

—
  (@Bownuggets) October 21, 2013

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[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks.

—
Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) October 14, 2014

The guy doing the tile in my bathroom just asked me not to call us a couple

—
kelly jean (@kjmeow) October 10, 2014

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TGIF: The Laughter Is Here

My daughter asked me what it's like to be married so I wrote my name on all her toys and said they're "ours" now.

—
Smug Lemur (@Smug_Lemur) September 20, 2014

[standing in mall water fountain talking to security] "My wish didn't come true so I want my quarter back."

—
Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) September 21, 2014

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"Am I having a nervous breakdown?" I whisper to the microwave.

—
Jay (@theshamingofjay) September 17, 2014

*tucks in kids for the night and gives kisses on their foreheads* Now stay in bed and don't fucking get up.

—
Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) September 21, 2014

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A Tweet Or Two

http://t.co/EFfPiNQRuI

—
  (@GottaLaff) October 23, 2014

UHD students Walk2Vote #W2V #Vote4Democrats2014 http://t.co/3mVZXX2nJc

—
Donna NoShock (@NoShock) October 23, 2014

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Vice President Biden just cast his ballot in Delaware for this year's midterm elections → http://t.co/iAjbSefhfv

—
Vice President Biden (@VP) October 24, 2014

Have you voted? Half the country already can: apps.frontline.org/votingrights/ #BallotWatch http://t.co/mPmjX5bCCW

—
FRONTLINE (@frontlinepbs) October 23, 2014

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#Ebola shouldn’t scare you. This tweet from an MD + Yale graduate + former medical advisor to @SenJohnMcCain should. http://t.co/1J6OqjSZr6

—
Hilary Sargent (@lilsarg) October 24, 2014

You cannot get it on a train You cannot get it in the rain You cannot get it from a ball You cannot hardly get it at all. #EbolaForDummies

—
Lynn Pounian (@Panger2014) October 24, 2014

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There have been 87 school shootings since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. The 87th just happened. thinkprogress.org/justice/2014/1…

—
Ian Millhiser (@imillhiser) October 24, 2014

The people who say the government hasn't done enough to prevent one Ebola case will now insist we do nothing about 30,000 gun deaths.

—
  (@LOLGOP) October 24, 2014

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Timeline for doctor with Ebola: Oct. 14: Leaves Guinea Oct. 17: Arrives in NYC Oct. 21: Feels tired Oct. 23: Onset of Ebola symptoms

—
ABC News (@ABC) October 24, 2014

CDC statement on doctor who has tested positive for Ebola in NYC cir.ca/news/ebola-in-… http://t.co/95jB0BCAH4

—
  (@Circa) October 24, 2014

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Reminder: 52,000 Americans die from the flu every year.

—
Bob Cesca (@bobcesca_go) October 24, 2014

@bobcesca_go 32k from guns.

—
John Thomas (@JCTRamblerINC) October 24, 2014

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A Hug from the President

Joy. Relief. Laughter. Respect. pic.twitter.com/moEmtz499h

— meta (@metaquest) October 24, 2014

President Obama hugs nurse Nina Pham, who was declared free of the Ebola virus after contracting the disease while caring for a Liberian patient in Texas, during a meeting in the Oval Office of the White House

@WhiteHouse

@Stcrow

President Obama speaks with Nina Pham as her mother Diana and sister Cathy look on

Chat On

Biden watching that white house fence, wishing a mofo would pic.twitter.com/85wm3uwrDg

— Desus Nice (@desusnice) October 24, 2014

Chat Away

maybe I’m neurotic but ever since all this Ebola stuff started, I’ve stopped greeting people by touching their poop.

— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) October 24, 2014

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Um MT @newtgingrich Bowling with ebola is a disastrous public health policy. Obama Admin endangering Americans pic.twitter.com/gRMlhr4K4g

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 24, 2014

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@newtgingrich Taking anything @newtgingrich says seriously is really disasterous to the country’s mental health. Far worse than ebola.

— john miller (@deaconmill) October 24, 2014

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'The Stupid Just Keeps Getting Stupider' #Ebola pic.twitter.com/dRQhdkeo97

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 24, 2014

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May. Never. Stop. Laughing.

Please RT to raise awareness of the plight of cats trapped in a folk music environment pic.twitter.com/lL9eI4Tkos

— Ash Warner (@AlsBoy) October 22, 2014

Chat On!

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Obama comments on Katy Perry’s shoes while greeting the singer and her grandmother, Ann Hudson, at Doolittle Park in Las Vegas, Nev., Oct. 24, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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Today (all times Eastern)

12:45: White House Press Briefing

2:15: The President meets with members of his National Security Council, State Department

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Happy to join Wendy Davis supporters at the University of Texas earlier today. #GOTV pic.twitter.com/8Oy6tcY0Y9

— Martin O’Malley (@GovernorOMalley) October 23, 2014

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Video of the First Lady’s Denver speech here

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The First Lady campaigning for Mark Udall in Denver yesterday

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Mom never led in the polls – she was elected #TX gov b/c people showed up & voted. Ready to make history again? #tbt pic.twitter.com/OQATHWm2ZB

— Cecile Richards (@CecileRichards) October 23, 2014

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Oh Good Gawd:

Here’s a pic of Ted Cruz’s Deputy Chief Of Staff’s ridiculous Ebola tweet, which he already deleted pic.twitter.com/av1BNczOM8

— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) October 24, 2014

Earlier tweet was a bad joke, my sarcasm did not translate well online. Deleted.

— Nick Muzin (@nickmuzin) October 24, 2014

🙄

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There are more experts on CNN right now talking about Ebola in America than people with ebola in America. pic.twitter.com/lRNMDzZMjr

— Nick Bilton (@nickbilton) October 24, 2014

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Oh no! DOCTOR WHO has it now?! #QuarantineTheTARDIS pic.twitter.com/UexeE1a3rC

— Joe Caramagna (@JoeCaramagna) October 24, 2014

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right now i imagine Obama is sitting quietly in some room drinking a beer, thinking to himself OH **NOW** Y’ALL WANT HEALTHCARE

— SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) October 24, 2014

🙂

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@Amk4Obama

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@PeteSouza

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November 6: ‘A Salute to the Troops’, White House concert feat. Mary J Blige, Common, John Fogerty & Willie Nelson pic.twitter.com/DqV6K428Hs

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 24, 2014

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Okay, the very nice people at Akismet, who look after spam for WordPress, say they have fixed our problem:

“Extremely sorry for the inconvenience. I’ve identified and fixed a misconfiguration that was causing those commenters’ comments to be incorrectly marked as spam; they shouldn’t have a problem with that anymore.”

So, fingers and toes and ears and eyebrows crossed that all will be well. Gulp.

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Creationists’ best argument against evolution is themselves.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 21, 2014

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Warning – This Sunday (11:0 AM EDT):

So go easy on Nerdy and LL, it’s going to be a grim day for them.

😎

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On This Day

Sen. Barack Obama boards his campaign plane October 24, 2008 in Honolulu, Hawaii after visiting his ailing grandmother

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President Obama participates in an interview with Jay Leno during a taping of “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” at the NBC Studios in Burbank, Calif., Oct. 24, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

Iowa, Oct 24, 2012 (Tumblr)

Las Vegas, Nevada, October 24, 2012 (Photo by Scout Tufankjian)

Breakfast with VP Biden in Mechanicsburg, Ohio, October 24, 2012 (@JoeBiden)

President Obama picks up a baby while greeting supporters during a campaign event October 24, 2012 at Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds in Davenport, Iowa

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MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

Las Vegas, October 24, 2012 (Photo by Scout Tufankjian)

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MoooOOOooorning – Happy Friday!