The Day Is Nearly Over. Now The Laughter Begins

If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"

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Sad Peruna (@SadPeruna) November 07, 2012

*rolls up on dance battle* Sick moves bruh. You know who else had sick moves? Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ *hands out pamphlets*

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Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) September 26, 2014

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Baby if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters D, U and I together. What I'm saying is I'm picking you up on my bicycle tonight.

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Jazmasta (@jazmasta) October 01, 2014

First day of emoji rehab... -How do you feel? -HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

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@sshole (@Lisa_Laughs_) September 17, 2014

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*NASA Headquarters* Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity? Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.

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Mattguyver (@shadygrenade) July 05, 2014

thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...

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Bryan (@CopBroughtPizza) August 01, 2013

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"How much for her?" Pimp: "$500" "Woah, why so much?" Pimp: "Cause every little thing she does is magic." "OH SHIT, IT'S THE POLICE!"

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Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) August 19, 2014

"What's the deal with palm trees?" What are you doing? "You said do tropical humor" Topical. I said topical. "What's the deal with ointment"

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dan mentos (@DanMentos) July 26, 2014

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Doing my taxes is like having sex. I have no idea what I'm doing and in 9 months my life will probably be ruined.

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Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) April 10, 2012

moths: hey dude. just wanna hangout by the lightbulb. shit's dope lol. i wont bite u haha thx humans: GET THE FUCK OUT

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eric (@dubstep4dads) August 01, 2014

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"Gotta make those Benjamins!" - The Franklin parents while having intercourse

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Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) July 31, 2014

Grandma: *empties purse on the table* Me: Why do you have a switchblade for bingo night? Grandma: They wouldn’t sell me a gun.

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Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014

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*man looking over his mail* Man I hate bills *duck peaks his head through the window* THE FUCK YOU JUST SAY?

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Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) July 16, 2014

*duck walks into a bread factory* alright everybody put your FUCKING hands up

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eric (@dubstep4dads) July 16, 2014

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@david8hughes http://t.co/St5olkgecP

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Brad siek (@bradsowavy) October 08, 2014

A mother's work is never done. http://t.co/4ZUSbwvEd9

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  (@Thynebear) October 08, 2014

Another Tweet or Two

McCain wants an Ebola Czar, while his party won’t confirm a Surgeon General by orders from the NRA. And the media just let it fly. Assholes.

— BWD (@theonlyadult) October 12, 2014

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To the anti-government wingers in my thread: so far, the only “spread of Ebola” in the U.S. was caused by a private hospital in a red state.

— Joy Reid (@JoyAnnReid) October 12, 2014

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GOP: Why isn't there an Ebola tsar? Obama: You're blocking my Surgeon General nominee. GOP: Look, Benghazi!!

— Liberal Librarian (@Lib_Librarian) October 13, 2014

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GOP cut funds for embassy security Benghazi Obama’s fault? ✓ GOP block Surgeon General appointment Ebola in US Obama’s fault? ✓ Trend? ✓

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 13, 2014

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and why is GOP blocking Obama’s Surgeon General? guns, of course. the #NRA told GOP to block, and that’s what GOP does.

— Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) October 12, 2014

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@GOP hates #PBO so much they root for #Ebola; risk #GreatDepression; create ZERO JOBS; block VOTERS; endanger WOMEN; abandon VETS. @VP @vj44

— Bobfr (@Our4thEstate) October 13, 2014

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I see the wingers are still rooting for Ebola. God, how they hate America when they’re not in control.

— ‘Alloween Brauer (@allanbrauer) October 12, 2014

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Liberals need to grow some guts and stop attacking people like Wendy Davis for telling the truth about the GOP agenda http://t.co/GFTARc22BM — Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) October 12, 2014

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Coming Out of Obama Derangement Coma: Welcome Back, Paul Krugman http://t.co/xCcI2JgmuP

— Spandan @ TPV (@thepeoplesview) October 12, 2014

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PBO on the cover of Rolling Stone “One of the most successful presidents in US history.” http://t.co/byx4esSr8M pic.twitter.com/qZ36vRduZz

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 13, 2014

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Elizabeth Warren: ‘If Barack Obama had not been Pres. we would not have a Consumer Fin. Protection Bureau. Period’ pic.twitter.com/YGfZj55WHV

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 12, 2014

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Elizabeth Warren: ‘The President was the one who refused to throw Consumer Financial Protection Bureau under the bus’ pic.twitter.com/GuzfUfihDW

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 12, 2014

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I’m #TeamObama AND #TeamWarren. Folks trying to distort her words to hurt POTUS & Dems in Nov can kick rocks. @TheObamaDiary

— Only4RM (@Only4RM) October 12, 2014

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Epic selfie commitment: @GovernorOMalley with Iowa Young Democrats. Cc @wpjenna pic.twitter.com/kTS29cPyt8

— Lis Smith (@Lis_Smith) October 12, 2014

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If every Democrat had the President’s back like @GovernorOMalley, what an unstoppable party this would be. pic.twitter.com/V0IutTaR0m

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 12, 2014

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I Have Noooooo Clue:

lolwut? RT @SenRandPaul: When we proclaim our message like a man coming over the hill singing, then we’ll win again.

— Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) October 13, 2014

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!! RT @SenRandPaul When we proclaim our msg like a man coming over the hill singing, then we’ll win again // Sexist! pic.twitter.com/YWwAup5oQo

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) October 13, 2014

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In. Tears.

Glenn Greenwald: “We need to be able to express ourselves unwatched.” That explains The Intercept.

— ‘Alloween Brauer (@allanbrauer) October 12, 2014

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In Case Any Of You Missed This Epic Result:

FT: Ireland 7-0 Gibraltar #IrlGib #COYBIG

— FAI (@FAIreland) October 11, 2014

😎

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(Sorry for using so many of my own tweets – embarrassing – but tied up with work all day, still catching up with Twitter world).

A Tweet Or Two

President Obama talks on the phone with @HHSGov Secretary Burwell concerning the latest update on #Ebola. http://t.co/TBTrTFPpl5

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) October 12, 2014

Young Nigel waits for the rest of the #FergusonOctober marchers to catch up. http://t.co/p41U76eQOp

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Koran Addo (@KoranAddo) October 11, 2014

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Chant: "Mike Brown. Emmett Till. How many Black kids will you kill?!" #FergusonOctober http://t.co/aC8vkl6TOQ

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Keith Rose (@KWRose) October 11, 2014

Congratulations @Simone_Biles! She has now won the most world GOLD medals by a U.S. woman! usaoly.us/CDvwu http://t.co/eEaGbhp6Nw

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US Olympic Team (@USOlympic) October 12, 2014

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There should never be a girl in this world who has to fear getting educated. #DayOfTheGirl http://t.co/H3A72Kg0ZP

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The First Lady (@FLOTUS) October 11, 2014

"We cannot allow violence to snuff out the aspirations of young women." —President Obama: go.wh.gov/Q1h3Mx #DayOfTheGirl

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) October 12, 2014

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Bush:I'm attacking Iraq. Experts:that will destabilize the region for 50 years Bush attacks Region totally destabilize Media: Obama's fault

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SportsGirl101 (@Arianna8927) October 11, 2014

THIS…is what #myfeminismlookslike tmblr.co/ZlD5Fv11BwWmN http://t.co/SiZMLOo5Xw

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Trudy (@thetrudz) December 14, 2013

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@debdlund @LarryWoolfolk @bbrucew12 @adbridgeforth @adam_zander @140elect http://t.co/x412rdLuH8”

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Denise (@Ireland0828) October 12, 2014

I've never understood why people get so upset about burning flags. They care more about a burnt flag than a dead teenager.

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Scary Blah Lady (@AngryBlackLady) October 11, 2014

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Just heard a police officer say: "I hope they (protesters) slowly break up and get the f**k out of here." #FergusonOctober

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Yamiche Alcindor (@Yamiche) October 11, 2014

"Wake up white America" Protester's sign reads #FergusonOctober http://t.co/tNTFxAGZGv

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Mariah Randi Stewart (@MzzzMariah) October 11, 2014

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Dude yelled "Fight me like a man" at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years.

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IDT (@IanDouglasTerry) October 02, 2014

Columbus Day sale? So does that mean I can just walk into your store and take whatever I want?

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Clarke Kant (@clarkekant) October 11, 2014

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Jim Beam ages its bourbon twice as long as the law requires? Folks can carry automatic weapons in Target but we have min bourbon aging laws?

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roadkillrefugee (@rkref) October 11, 2014

ICYMI: Why raise the minimum wage? Just ask Costco trib.al/GIGdqG4 http://t.co/TmypfYd6yg

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The Globe and Mail (@globeandmail) October 11, 2014

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Paul Krugman was a notable Obama critic. Now he's calling the president a historic success. Our full cover story: rol.st/1nYNMHr

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Rolling Stone (@RollingStone) October 08, 2014

So Dems, you want more of this, let's GOTV like our lives depended on it. GOP gave PBO no help. He did this: bloomberg.com/news/2014-10-0… Let's go

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KSK(africa) (@lawalazu) October 03, 2014

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This Is How @EvaLongoria Is Trying to Win #midterms2014 thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/… via @swin24 #TNTweeters #latism #votolatino

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Fernando Espuelas (@EspuelasVox) October 01, 2014

Beyond the hyperbole, Greg Abbott got millions when punitive damages encouraged big awards, changed system for others share.d-news.co/yta7KSY

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Wayne Slater (@WayneSlater) October 12, 2014

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Just a suggestion: If you aren't up to speed on infectious disease/public health, this is really great time not to wildly tweet about Ebola.

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Harold Pollack (@haroldpollack) October 12, 2014

Opinions are like birthdays. Everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook

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Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 07, 2014

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Every year, John McCain ignorantly mocks silly-sounding but absolutely essential basic science funding and now he is opining on Ebola.

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  (@pourmecoffee) October 12, 2014

Great job disturbing it, guys. "Vampire skeleton with stake in heart unearthed in Bulgaria." telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews… http://t.co/tRH4dIOnho

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  (@pourmecoffee) October 12, 2014

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WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?

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Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) October 07, 2014

Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf

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Last Placemat (@matt_simpson84) August 03, 2013

Young Adults Love ObamaCare. GOP Ends Up With Egg On Face

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Jeffrey Young: Conservatives Proven Utterly Wrong On Key Aspect Of Obamacare

Remember when Obamacare was a terrible deal for young adults, and how “young invincibles” didn’t even want health insurance? Conservative groups — acting, no doubt, out of deep concern for the well-being of the nation’s 20-somethings — even staged events where young people burned their “Obamacare cards” (there is no such thing). Instead, this is what happened:

Not so scary, after all. That’s right: The share of the population between 19 and 25 years old without health insurance has fallen since the Affordable Care Act passed in 2010. That year, the uninsured rate for that group was more than 30 percent. By the end of this March, it had fallen to 21 percent, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey data presented in a report the White House Council of Economic Advisors released Wednesday. In fact, the uninsured rate fell more for young adults than any other age group from the end of 2013 to the close of the first quarter of this year, the CDC survey found. And that doesn’t even account for a surge in Obamacare enrollments at the end of March and early April, especially among younger people, for insurance coverage that didn’t kick in until April or May. Turns out, people under 30 also think having health insurance is a good idea.

More here

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If Obama tried to "screw his base" with health reform, he's got a funny way of showing it. huff.to/1s2CCzz http://t.co/WLRLhibkEj

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Jeffrey Young (@JeffYoung) October 10, 2014

Rise and Shine

On This Day: President Barack Obama greets the student finalists of the Network for Teaching Entrepreneurship (NFTE) National Youth Entrepreneurship Challenge as they enter the Oval Office, Oct. 12, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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The Week Ahead

Monday: Columbus Day – the President has no public events.

Tuesday: The President will attend a DCCC event in the Washington, D.C., area.

Wednesday: The President will travel to Union, New Jersey, to attend a Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee event.

In the evening, he will travel to Bridgeport, Connecticut, for a campaign rally with Connecticut Democrats, featuring Governor Dan Malloy.

Thursday: The President will travel to Rhode Island to deliver remarks on the economy.

Afterward, he will travel to Long Island, New York, to attend a DNC event.

Friday: The President will attend meetings at the White House.

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On This Day

 

Sen. Barack Obama walks off his campaign plane at Grand Aire Inc. October 12, 2008 in Swanton, Ohio.

Sen. Obama arrives at the Maumee Bay resort where he was staying as he prepares for his debate October 12, 2008 in Oregon, Ohio

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First Lady Michelle Obama is briefed by Lieutenant Commander Todd Hazlett before meeting with injured service members and their families at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Bethesda, Md., Oct. 12, 2010 (Photo by Samantha Appleton)

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President Obama drives former Press Secretary Robert Gibbs’ Chevy Volt around the South Lawn Drive of the White House, Oct. 12, 2012 (Photo by Pete Souza)

“Dinner with Barack”, October 12, 2012

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MoooOOOooorning!

Early Bird Chat

On This Day: President Barack Obama discusses the situation in Sudan with actor George Clooney during a meeting outside the Oval Office, Oct. 12, 2010 (Photo by Pete Souza)

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MoooOOOooorning – Happy Sunday!

chat away

If you don’t vote, this is the person who will decide the shape of the House and Senate. Don’t let that happen. pic.twitter.com/1DmxEpLWJd

— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) October 10, 2014

Chat away