Once Upon A Time…


VP Biden: “Dude…get on the South Lawn now…something big is happening!”

Pres. Obama: “What..what?!”

VP Biden: “It is a Big F**king deal kinda moment”

Pres. Obama: “No way…let me change into my flyer than a GQ model presidential suit”

(He races to the South Lawn in 10 seconds flat)




Media: “BREAKING NEWS! First Lady Michelle Obama is doing a double-dutch jump on the South Lawn of the White House. Can she create a new world record for the most jumps?”

Media: “1..2…3..50..100…1000…5000.. and she did it!!! First Lady Michelle Obama is now the world record holder in double-dutch jumps!”

Karl Rove: “I just heard back from Ohio. Mitt Romney still has a chance to win!”



Pres. Obama: “May I have a hug with the superstar of the Obama family?”

First Lady Michelle Obama: “You may!”

And they lived happily ever after.


p.s. John Boehner was seen weeping copiously. We have yet to receive a statement as to why. We will update you if we receive one.”


84 Responses to “Once Upon A Time…”

  1. July 6, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    More? You are awesome UT

  2. 4 amk for obama
    July 6, 2013 at 8:03 pm


  3. July 6, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    I’m enjoying this pre-bedtime story! 🙂 congrats vetvira24 on #1.

  4. July 6, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    Status update from people I trust…..

    By the numbers breakdown from the San Francisco Fired Department at news conference:

    291 passengers were on-board
    16 crew members were on-board
    307 total on-board
    2 people confirmed dead
    48 people were immediately transported from the scene to local hospitals
    190 people were moved to secure area at airport – 82 of them then transported to hospitals
    Upwards of 60 people unaccounted for

    Of the “unaccounted for” don’t to jump to conclusions…. people milling around the airport, or some reunited with their families…

  5. 12 lisalovesobama
    July 6, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Awesome story telling! 😆

  6. July 6, 2013 at 8:08 pm


    “Soon after the plane crash in San Francisco, CA, the President was made aware of the incident by Lisa Monaco, Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism. The President will continue to be updated as new information becomes available. The President expressed his gratitude for the first responders and directed his team to stay in constant contact with the federal, state and local partners as they investigate and respond to this event. His thoughts and prayers go out to the families who lost a loved one and all those affected by the crash.”

    “At this point in time there is no indication of terrorism involved,” FBI special agent David Johnson said at the news conference. The FBI will be working closely with the NTSB to determine the cause of the incident.

  7. July 6, 2013 at 8:11 pm

  8. July 6, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    • 16 99ts
      July 6, 2013 at 10:24 pm

      How any member of congress can see these photos of Gabby and not support gun reform is just weird.

  9. 17 utaustinliberal
    July 6, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Pres. Obama’s statement to the crash at SFO and the link.

    The White House
    Office of the Press Secretary

    For Immediate Release July 06, 2013
    President Obama Updated on the Plane Crash in San Francisco

    Soon after the plane crash in San Francisco, CA, the President was made aware of the incident by Lisa Monaco, Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism. The President will continue to be updated as new information becomes available. The President expressed his gratitude for the first responders and directed his team to stay in constant contact with the federal, state and local partners as they investigate and respond to this event. His thoughts and prayers go out to the families who lost a loved one and all those affected by the crash.


  10. 18 amk for obama
    July 6, 2013 at 8:23 pm

  11. July 6, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    After seeing this photo

    I am not in the mood to post anymore crash updates…. tried to post RELIABLE info from WH, SF Fire Dept. and Airport for any family or friends you may know traveling to from SF…….if something erroneous is reported on TV I will try to correct it….

  12. 24 Dudette
    July 6, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    Wow, I didn’t know Julia Gillard was out as Australia’s PM.

    • 25 theo67
      July 6, 2013 at 8:35 pm

      Yes, the old PM that she ousted has taken over. Elections in a couple of months, I think.

    • 28 MightyPamela
      July 6, 2013 at 8:41 pm

      Oh yes, dark day for women in Australia. She was voted out, and the idjit who was voted out to put her into office, was voted BACK IN! The overview is he (Kevin Rudd) will not last long. Aussie women may rally big time, it is hoped. 99ts? I’m sure 99 could shed more light on the topic than I.

      • 29 99ts
        July 6, 2013 at 10:51 pm

        The media supports Rudd – I don’t know any real person who does. Australians are very laid back politically and it is unlikely there will be any great uprising in support of Julia. Thus said, I am sure she will find some worthwhile goals/ambitions to follow in the future. Rudd undermined her from her first day as PM (wonder if he followed the GOP ideals in the US) despite saying all the time he would not do that. I doubt there is any society where the men don’t try to downgrade women of power – at the top levels it becomes more virulent and hateful – which the ex PM was no doubt well aware of before taking office.

        I enjoyed that an unmarried woman with no religious beliefs was our PM – it it sad that the choice at the next election will be between two “Christian” family men. We have no-where near the interest in religion as do other countries so I am very wary when those who massively support various religions get into positions of power.

        • July 6, 2013 at 11:19 pm

          I agree 99ts, it’s hard to relate to countries who use religious ideology to govern and our legislative system is NOT involved in our political system (looking at US Supreme Court rulings).

        • July 7, 2013 at 12:25 am

          99ts, you know Rudd’s governing style is identical to the RW/TeaTaliban/GOP in the USA. This is like what happen in the 2010 election here in the USA?

          As a distant observer and a monitor of Australia politics, I am absolutely disappointed in the ouster of Julia Gillard. I know she has announced she is leaving the political arena.

          However, it is imperative that you use all legal means available to correct/stop this predictable disaster that’s about to visit Australia under Rudd. God Bless>>

      • July 6, 2013 at 11:14 pm

        Hi there, I live in Sydney and the Labour leadership change is a way of trying to minimise predicted huge losses in the upcoming election. While I don’t mind Gillard, the policies of her Admin had strayed more to the right and Corporates (mainly mining industry) were pouring lots of $ into lobbying the public against the carbon tax law in place. They tied this to the cost of living increasing so all people saw was the cost of electricity, gas, water were forever rising.

        It’s been happening for a few years where Labour were losing a great deal of its core supporters. So while it looks like they will still lose even with this change to the opposing Liberal Coalition Party (who don’t really have anything to offer except that they’re not the Labour Party), I personally think the leadership change is more positive than negative.

        The interesting thing here is our political system where leaders of a Party can be voted out anytime for the sake of the overall Party and our constitution supports the change. Voting at all levels is mandatory for citizens so they use the voting booths to voice their opinion and governments can be formed between a major party (who doesn’t quite get a mandate) and a minority party so they compromise to get policies through.

        • 33 99ts
          July 6, 2013 at 11:33 pm

          Hi Berny – I agree – except that I think the positive for the leadership change is hyped by the media, rather than being real. Maybe my anti-Rudd is to the forefront, but I find nothing to praise in who he is and what he has done. Julia Gillard was perhaps unlucky that she was the leader chosen to replace Rudd – she got all the hate directed at her – may have been the plan from parts of the party.

          The cost of power multiplied in my state (Qld) well before the carbon tax – when the then labor government decided to “privatise” the industry. Why labor thinks privatising is good is beyond my understanding. Instead of simply getting a power bill every 3 months we now have multiple people calling at the door wanting to “sign us up” and tell us why their company is better than the others. They all charge the same – they all have lousy call centers – they all employ PR people that are not needed to deliver power to my home.

          With all that – we do live in a country where both major parties appear to believe in “safety nets” for which I am very grateful.

          • July 7, 2013 at 1:59 am

            99ts, based on your response to Berny above, you have basically validated my initial reply to your 10:51 PM post. I’m an outsider, but I took a keen interest in Australia politics when Rudd was in office back in 2007-2008. If he was in the USA, he would be a staunch RW/GOP/Teabagger/Taliban politician.

            I don’t know how your government checks-and-balances work, but I hope the citizen of Australia can keep Rudd and his commands from pushing through jar conium laws that will drastically affect the lease representative and women’s health & reproductive system.

            • 35 99ts
              July 7, 2013 at 3:48 am

              He would not get such laws past his party RanMan – the opposition – which may win in the election this year is much more to the right than the labor party. Our Labor party – so called the left in Australia – has many factions – they all have different ideas and keeping them together and in power takes a politician of epic proportions – which Rudd in no way fits the need.

              Abortion via a doctor’s care when the health of the mother – or the non feasability of the fetus is at stake is not difficult to obtain at any stage of a pregnancy. It is extremely unlikely that legislation related to women’s health that we see in the US states would happen here at this time. We have a universal health system – which costs the government $$$ – they will not introduce unnecessary and unwanted medical procedures

  13. July 6, 2013 at 8:37 pm

  14. July 6, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    ….If I were on at seven at night and loved by millions of people at every age, I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it’s OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks.” The attack was prescient. A few months later, Deen announced that she had Type 2 diabetes (she had been given the diagnosis several years before) and in the same moment became a well-paid spokesperson for Novo Nordisk’s Victoza, a drug to combat the disease. Bourdain jumped on her hypocrisy. “I find that in excruciatingly bad taste,” he said. “It’s unconscionable, cynical, and greedy.”

  15. July 6, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    Early this week, Benjamin Netanyahu discovered that he doesn’t have a party. The Likud’s institutions were captured − democratically − by representatives of the ideological right. Later on in the week, he also discovered that he no longer has a bureau: Its chief, Gil Sheffer, announced that he will leave after the holidays in the fall. He will ride off into the sunset with National Security Adviser Yaakov Amidror just as Netanyahu’s policy adviser, Ron Dermer, abandons the bureau, perhaps on his way to Washington, and after cabinet secretary Zvi Hauser has also walked the walk.

  16. 41 Dudette
    July 6, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    This keeps happening. So tragic.

    A few summers ago a co-worker at my previous job forgot his baby in the car. Wife, who usually took the baby in to daycare, couldn’t do it so he was supposed to drop their son off on his way to work. Got into his regular routine thinking about work, drove straight to the office and totally forgot the baby was in the back of car. Remembered two hours later — too late. Unimaginable horror!

    • July 6, 2013 at 9:14 pm

      Someone needs to invent a device that detects living beings in a vehicle with rising temperatures, then automatically opens windows or turns on the air conditioning. It can’t be that difficult with today’s technology.

      • 43 Dudette
        July 6, 2013 at 9:44 pm

        A while back I recall reading about some company working on a car seat with some kind of alarm that’s electronically tied to the car key. They need to get something out that quickly. Too many babies and pets are lost this way every year.

    • July 6, 2013 at 11:01 pm

      This happened here, only it was all day. The baby survived, barely. He didn’t get jail, on parole. Almost ruined family.

  17. July 6, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Mr. Kathrada, 83, also showed the Obamas the sign listing the different amounts of sugar, coffee, soup and other foods that South Africa’s prison system had apportioned to blacks; mixed-race inmates, who were known as coloreds; Indians; and whites. “In everything there was apartheid,” he said in an interview on Thursday in his small apartment here in the shadow of Table Mountain. Mr. Kathrada said Mr. Obama’s reaction to the tour last weekend, and to one he gave him in 2006 when Mr. Obama was a senator, was as full of outrage as the typical visitor’s
    But he said he especially remembers how Mr. Obama’s daughters, Malia, who was about to turn 15, and Sasha, who was 12, responded. “Malia was much more involved. She asked a lot of questions, but Sasha didn’t. I think she was quite shaken. She just stuck to her mother,”

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  18. 46 Jovie
    July 6, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    I guess here is our answer?

    • 47 vitaminlover
      July 6, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      Ohhhhh, Edward Snooooowwwwden. You might as well come on back to the U.S. and take you whippin’ like a man or the piece of man that you think you are.

  19. 50 Jovie
    July 6, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    All Libertarians hate America, no patriotism whatsoever.
    They also hate Democrats, because most of the time Republicans are Libertarians at heart. So, that’s where the money comes from for support, hence the reason they hold their powder when a Republican is in office.
    These are the Fellas that will join Al Qaeda, if they haven’t already…
    Tongue in cheek…

  20. July 6, 2013 at 9:13 pm

    “I see a Muslim Brotherhood crescent developing in Egypt and Turkey,” the king said. He despises the movement, partly because it is revanchist, fundamentalist and totalitarian, and partly because in Jordan it seeks his overthrow. “The Arab Spring highlighted a new crescent in the process of development.” The saving grace in Egypt, he said, was that Mursi seemed too unsophisticated to successfully pull off his vision. “There’s no depth to the guy……”

  21. July 6, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    DEAR GOD!!! I give………… why? Layla praying for the people of Canada……..

  22. July 6, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    UT, thanks for the memories. Those are some great pictures from not to distant past. \=D =D

  23. July 6, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    Updated numbers from San Francisco officials at news conference:
    307 people were on-board
    181 total were transported to hospitals (49 were serious and transported immediately, 132 were transported later with less serious injuries)
    123 people were accounted for at the airport without injuries
    2 people were confirmed dead on arrival
    ***ONE*** person is still unaccounted for

  24. July 6, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Worst Socialist EVER!!!! #Obama’samerica

  25. July 6, 2013 at 9:54 pm

  26. 76 jacquelineoboomer
    July 6, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Love your little story, UT! Keep ’em coming. We need some “happy time” stories, after all the news today!

    • 77 jacquelineoboomer
      July 6, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      That sounded a bit heartless – I shouldn’t have used the word “happy” ! Distraction would have been a better choice. (Eek.)

  27. 78 arapaho415
    July 6, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    Here’s a photo of the Quebec train derailment.

    There’s nothing but devastation to the right and foreground of the photo. So terrible for all who live there.

    • 79 Dudette
      July 6, 2013 at 10:30 pm

      Oh how awful! Thoughts and prayers to all in Canada affected by this horrible tragedy!

    • 82 ChristiMTL
      July 6, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      You can imagine it’s wall to wall coverage here……it’s crazy, what a tragedy……..

      Here’s a video that someone took…….yickes!….

  28. July 6, 2013 at 10:50 pm

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